You know, the same way we communicate everything these days.
Like a lot of people these days, almost none of my friends live within 1,000 miles of me. I can't throw a We Saw The Walking Dead Last Night Party and discuss it only with the people who show up, and implementing spoiler text is not high on Facebook or Twitter's priority lists. I can't find out if all 4,000+ of my Twitter followers watched the last Game Of Thrones without asking them all individually. (I tried, and after the third week, I had restraining orders in 107 different counties.) People should either A) do that, it's a really good show, B) stay off social media until they can, or C) accept that if they can't do A or B, it's just not a high enough priority for them to demand that everyone else tiptoe around them. Suggesting that the solution is to not discuss art at all is to violently misunderstand the entire point of art.
And most people have accepted that. According to a Netflix survey, 76 percent of Americans have accepted that spoilers happen, 94 percent will keep watching despite them, and 13 percent admit that they make them more interested. (Note: This does not apply to the British, who are dead fucking serious about their spoilers. In other words, all British about it.) In response, Netflix has created a service that shows Vine-like loops of major TV and movie spoilers.
It's like CliffsNotes for movies!
It's just the latest in a series of such services. It turns out spoilers are big business.
On the other hand, 37 percent of us feel guilty if we spoil something for someone else. I'm no mathologist, but I'm pretty sure that means like four percent of us are feeling bad for no reason. We still agree, just because Hitchcock told us so, that it's a crime worthy of violent retribution, with varying degrees of jokingliness and zero degrees of self-awareness. Because the blame always lies with the offending party, doesn't it? It's the fault of Lucifer Milioti or the people who made the trailer, instead of us for not taking responsibility for our own viewing experience and assuming that everyone's preferences regarding spoilers are the same as our own.
But that's starting to change. I'm seeing more and more people saying "Alright, tonight is the premiere of Galaxy Skirmishes, so I'm getting off social media until I can see it tomorrow!" and those people deserve goddamn medals. Soon, you'll be one lone voice throwing a fit about something everyone else has stopped caring about, like gays in the military or the act of terrorism that was the ending of How I Met Your Mother. Don't be that guy.
Manna has the utmost faith that no one will misunderstand what she's saying, and she awaits your praise on Twitter.
Have a strong opinion about spoilers and want to scream it directly into our faces? Then come see us LIVE at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre TONIGHT at 7:00. Get your tickets HERE!
Spoilers spread rampant through the Internet like the virus that created the Planet of the Apes. (Whoops.) But you can protect yourself by reading 4 Tactics For Preventing Spoilers Before They Happen. And see how American Beauty spoiled itself with 5 Movies Plots Given Away by the Characters' Names.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a beloved AMC drama be spoiled 100 years ago in Breaking Bad Recap (From 100 Years Ago), and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because there's no better place to shout out spoilers to unsuspecting victims.