4 Reasons Detroit Must Build A Statue of RoboCop

You may have heard about this group of concerned citizens in Detroit, who, noting that the city lacks a statue of RoboCop, are lobbying furiously to build a statue of RoboCop. These efforts have resulted in an earnest dialog developing in the city, as newspapers and opinion makers argue the point, "What are you people, some kind of fucking idiots?" Many have accused the statue's proponents of having Muppet Baby levels of comprehension about what is and isn't real - RoboCop is, after all, a fictional character. The proponents, who all claim to have regular sized heads, point out that they know RoboCop isn't real, but that other cities have adopted statues of fictional characters. The Rocky statue in Philadelphia is a prime example, based on the film of the same name; the Statue of Liberty in New York is another, which of course references that old children's fairy tale about the enormous copper woman who destroyed the British. In our less-heralded role as independent municipal planning consultants, Cracked has an obligation to weigh in on this issue. And, after debating the matter internally for some time, flexing our powerful brains at all sides of the issue, Cracked has decided that yes, building a statue of RoboCop is a good idea. A statue of RoboCop will result in actual, tangible benefits accruing to the city of Detroit, some of which we've outlined below. Indeed, we must warn the city of Detroit, that if at this juncture, they choose to step away from greatness, and crap the diaper of failure, they can rest assured that some lesser city, like St. Louis, will scoop the idea out from under them.