Reason #3: To Frighten Evil Doers
You know that old saying, "dope is for dopes?" Well it turns out to have some basis in reality, and we're not just saying that to fill the terms of a plea bargain.
"This is bullshit. Do you know what satire is Officer Gurdy? We didn't mean a single thing we said in How to Sexually Torture all Nine Supreme Court Justices."
Criminals in general are pretty dim, lacking the ability to not drop out of school or pay for televisions. A statue of RoboCop may convince a few criminals that Detroit is finally getting serious about crime, and actually scare a few of them straight. At a minimum, it may reduce crime in the immediate vicinity of the statue, as lacking formal training in art appreciation, many criminals will not know what a statue is. "A fucking cop made of rock!" we imagine them gasping between breaths as they sprint away. "Holy Shit!"
Reason #1: Because It Would Be Hilarious
A statue of RoboCop is one of the funniest things we've ever heard of, and that's saying something, because Cracked has this massive archive of forbidden humor that would make your face melt.
"Let's see, testicle jokes, testicle jokes. ... Oh. Here they are."
The idea that someone would make a statue of a flat, emotionless protagonist from a film full of tin-eared dialog and unnecessary limb severing is completely ridiculous. It's a sure sign that the world is a little bit dumber than we'd imagined, and also that sculptors will do anything for money. But that's a good thing. You see, the world needs to be funnier. Safer, sure, less starvation,
OK, if you must
, but above all, it must be funnier. There's too many people yelling and dying and Tea Partying right now, and it's just all so damned serious that it makes us want to poop. If there were more people laughing in this world, we would have, by definition
, more people laughing in this world. Argue with that logic, Detroit.
So please, good people of Detroit, please, please build a statue of RoboCop. As distributors of quality humor products, we can guarantee that this will be hilarious, and make everything better. And finally, if there are ethical or licensing issues with RoboCop that you simply can't get over, we do have one final suggestion...
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