If IBM's Lotus wasn't that impressive, at least Jeffrey's life story was.
Orphaned at a young age, he had joined the Marines and become a fighter pilot, rising to the rank of captain. During the first Gulf War, he saved his comrades by throwing back a live grenade at the enemy. Another time, his co-pilot died while ejecting, just like in Top Gun. Fortunately, Papows was such a good guy that he cared for his friend's widow after he came home. If that wasn't enough, he managed to get a doctorate from Pepperdine University AND a black belt in taekwondo.
Smart and deadly? What a ridiculous Asian stereotype.
Of course, absolutely all of it was bullshit. No wartime heroics, no doctorate, no helping a lonely widow. Despite his obsession with Top Gun, he'd been an air traffic controller, not a fighter pilot. Perhaps most disgustingly, his supposedly dead parents were totally alive and living nearby. And since he wasn't any kind of black belt, people didn't have to worry about calling him out for his lies to his face.
Despite literally taking moments from military action movies and claiming they had happened to him, when confronted with all his lies, Papows' explanation was that his colleagues had taken his actual life story and expanded it into a "water-cooler legend," because they wanted him to seem like more of a hero.
Not content with being a badass outside his job, he also had to claim to be one in the technology world. Not only did he say that Bill Gates (the head of the competition) called him at home, he said that he once made fun of Gates so badly that the richest man in the world stormed off a stage.
Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty
Here's the proof. Papows is in the middle, wearing his invisibility suit.
Watch George Costanza fail his way upward in every episode of Seinfeld, now streaming on Hulu.
Kathy Benjamin wrote a very funny book called FUNERALS TO DIE FOR, and you can buy it here. Or follow her on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter.