As a devout sinner, I feel awkward singing the praises of the pope, but I can't help but admire this man. The idea of the Catholic Church being corrupt is so ingrained in us as a society, so cliche now, that to see a pope doing good things is almost stunning. You expect the pope to pay lip service to Catholic doctrine from high atop his bullet-proof Popemobile while he teeters and he totters like Jesus' forgotten Weeble. He says nothing that makes the world change, he does nothing that makes the world change. The church gets richer, people die of AIDS, children get molested, and man, there is no really proper punchline for this sentence.
Suddenly Pope Francis shows up, and what does the man do? He trash talks his own organization. Too much greed, too much corruption. Why do cardinals have expensive cars and big houses? You're supposed to live like Jesus did. Off to Detroit with you!
Pope Francis' tyrannical reign of good sense and humanity continued by suggesting that atheists can still go to heaven, because being good and being Catholic don't have to go hand in hand. You can be both, or just one or the other. Holy balls! For the first time in 2,000 years, a pope decides that maybe people of other religions are decent human beings also. Maybe people of no religion are decent. Maybe being good is just about being human and not everyone reading the same book.
"Have you read it? No? Then enjoy eternal fire in your dick hole."
While stuffy, old fart Catholics the world over reeled from Francis' proclamations, he tossed out a few more that dumbfounded everyone. He told the world the church is too obsessed with issues of gay marriage and abortion and that focusing on those puts doctrine ahead of what the church should be about, which is love and inclusion. What the hell does that mean? It means you don't have to support gay marriage, or abortion, or even condoms, but shut up about it and help the people who do support those things, because that's your f*****g job. God loves lesbians, so stop being a dick and love them, too.
Now it even looks like Pope Francis leaves the Vatican at night to minister to the poor on the streets, giving them money and food while in disguise as a normal priest. He puts his thurible where his mouth is, and it's kind of amazing. This man just wants everyone to be good to everyone else. How insane is that? How can people still criticize him for it, too? It's pretty crazy, but here's hoping he's able to really open some eyes as he keeps on keepin' on.
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