Welcome, shareholders. Some of you have been demanding to know where our record profits have been going, mockingly suggesting that we've been pouring billions of dollars into a gigantic hole in the ground. We've been pouring in far more than that! We can now reveal the next stage of Umbrella expansion: a secret underground city filled with viral weaponry, artificial intelligence and experiments in human mutation. We're calling it "The Hive," replacing our working title, "The Pit of Incredibly Bad Ideas."
We also liked "Insanely Genocidal Things R Us," but Legal tells us that copyright lawyers are much scarier than biological weaponry.
We're building this under Raccoon City so that our new products can get straight into the civilian market. Which is good, as Accounting says that every single person on the planet will have to use our products before the place turns a profit. Marketing said that we'd have to make something viral, then said oh God, that's not what they meant, then there was a lot of screaming. But now they work for free!
Umbrella's dedicated advertising team!