In my current apartment, we have five mugs, no glasses, 10 plates, and a pink-handled cutlery pack from Family Dollar. This gives easy access to an excuse for what I call my "No Dish" rule. We simply don't have enough plates for me to waste! The less-flattering truth is that we could have a full set of fine china and I'd still be doing this shit.
Whenever anything comes in its own container, eat out of that. Anything can be a Cup O'Noodles if you just try hard enough and believe in yourself. Buy packs of mini-cereal boxes that you can pour milk into! Make one serving of pasta and eat it out of the pot! If you think about it, milk and juice are basically their own Capri Suns, as long as you have no shame and a lot of extra bodega straws.
If you order takeout, be sure to ask for extra containers and cutlery, then divvy up leftovers to store in the fridge in throwaway containers, each with their own plastic fork. If you really need a bowl for your Chef Boyardee or whatever, then heat it up over the stove in the can, and dump it in a bowl lined with Saran Wrap. Toss the plastic in the garbage when you're done and put your perfectly clean dish back on the shelf. Tell yourself that Gwyneth Paltrow would call this "hobo chic" and advertise it on her dumb website.
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Right next to coffee filters based on the ruffled collars of Queen Elizabeth I. Just $500.
You can also use paper towels in lieu of plates for things like sandwiches, and tortillas for everything else. A bread bowl is still a bread bowl, even if it looks more like you've made a microwave popcorn burrito. Panera, if you're looking for a creative director, hit me up.
The only thing I can't get around is coffee. I need to have coffee in the morning. Not in a cute, "Don't talk to me before coffee!" kind of way. I won't die or anything; I'll just honestly be kind of a bitch until I'm caffeinated.
If you're feeling especially lazy in those instances, as I so often am, you can just spoon Nescafe crystals into your facehole, tip your head sideways over the sink, and chase it down with tap water. It's revolting and you're pretty sure that no one will ever want to marry you, but it gets the job done. I've done it three times in the span of writing this article. It's a super disgusting habit that I should despise by now, given that the first time I did it, it was with vodka instead of water, and I proceeded to fall down a fucking Chilean mountain.
And then bound right back up again, because alcohol and caffeine is a hell of a combination.