And phase three, the master stroke: When the store employees were sufficiently upset, a third person (by some accounts a one-legged actor) would appear and offer extra money for half a trouser. Presumably at this point they'd all look at the camera with a shrug as an "end of the sketch" trumpet noise played from out of nowhere. What's amazing to me is the amount of restraint this gag required from someone with a personality as chaotic as Keith Moon's: Imagine how much self-control it took for him not to just blow up those pants with dynamite. And he did it all in favor of a punchline that he didn't even deliver. That's devotion to one's craft.
George Clooney Throws a Fake Wedding for Brad Pitt
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George Clooney might be a sociopath. If Brad Pitt is Hollywood's smiling bully who thinks he's just being friendly to his victims, George Clooney is the tormentor who knows exactly what he's doing, but doesn't give a shit. No one knows this better than Richard Kind, that big adorable guy from Spin City and Mad About You, who has the misfortune of being Clooney's "close friend," and is thus a frequent victim of his psychological mind games.
Only a total bastard could look at this huggable face and think "I WANT HIM TO SUFFER."
Clooney's pranks against Kind have unfolded over weeks, months, and sometimes even years. There's the kitty litter story, in which Clooney would dutifully go into his friend's bathroom every day and empty the cat poop from the litter, convincing Kind that his mascot was severely constipated. After about a week passed and the cat had been to the vet and was on medication, the joke climaxed with Clooney leaving a turd of his own in the litter and letting Kind find it. Another time, Clooney found a horrible 5-foot painting of a hideous naked woman in the garbage, signed it with his name, and framed it. He then pretended to be going to art classes for six months just so that he could give Kind the painting on his 40th birthday and guilt him into hanging it in his living room. Clooney let his friend suppress a puke every time he wanted to watch TV for five years before he confessed on a talk show.
But, as far as scale goes, Clooney's most massive joke to date didn't have one person for a victim -- it fooled a whole damn Italian town. In 2006, the now traditional rumors that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would hold a secret wedding somewhere in the world pointed at Clooney's villa in Italy as a possible location. That was bullshit, of course: Everyone knows Pitt and Jolie married in a volcano on Mars in 2011. However, rather than just letting the rumors be, Clooney set up high-top tables on his lawn to make it look like a wedding was really happening. Then he sat back and, for the next two weeks, watched journalists swarm around his property in boats and helicopters to try to get a picture of something that wasn't happening.
via China Daily
Getty Images/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
What's the point of having a villa if you can't use it to make people miserable?
Meanwhile, the mayor of the town noticed there was "a lot of movement" at Clooney's place and put police on alert around the area. The entire town was filled with expectation, but in the end, the closest thing they got to a celebrity wedding was when two drag queens named "Brad" and "Angelina" started making out at the lake. And this all happened because George Clooney put some chairs on his lawn.
The best part? Clooney totally said he was going to do this the previous year, only his original plan involved getting "a bunch of kids dressed up to pretend to be getting married" on the lawn. I'm assuming that when he says "kids" he's talking about literal children, because they'd look like adults from the helicopters. Obviously.
Maxwell Yezpitelok is in Chile, and also on Twitter. He writes a comic called ACK, and you can download the first issue for $0 here.
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