"And then Adam was like, 'God, I want a fluffy pet cat,' and he wasn't using his
medial cuneiform bone anyway, so ..."
But because nothing in this world is ever straightforward, others have claimed that it wasn't really a rib that God used to create Eve. It was a bone from Adam's dick.
The Crazy Theory
Next time you're observing a flaccid human penis flopping around during a naked dance-off, spare a thought as to why that penis is so flexible. No, really -- sit down and think about those unboned ligaments flopping back and forth like an American flag in a strong wind. Done? All right.
Just a bit more.
The majority of male mammals possess a baculum, or penis bone, and that includes all of our closest primate relatives. Why human males lack an enboned penis and have to rely on boner-fluid-hydraulics instead is something of a mystery ... unless you read Genesis, that is. According to a paper recently published in the American Journal of Medical Genetics, perhaps it's because our menfolk lost their literal boners in the Garden of Eden.
According to the paper, the Hebrew word tzela, translated in the Genesis story as "rib," can also be read as "supporting structure." The paper's authors argue that since men and women have the same number of ribs, and ribs are not associated with "generative acts," a penis-themed translation makes far more sense. What the authors don't explain is what this means for the small number of non-human primate species that also don't have penis bones, such as the spider monkey. If man's lack of a skeleton-penis is proof that our species got special attention from God in the Garden of Eden, does that mean these boneless-crotched monkeys should be given full human rights as well? I think we all know that the answer is yes.