And that's Dulce Candy talking about the makeup she bought. Dulce's video is like most of the others, (a recap of a fairly standard shopping experience stretched across 9-16 minutes), except that, at about three minutes in, she casually mentions the fact that she was in the military four years ago and then never brings it up again. To me, her history in the military sounds a whole lot more interesting than the hair brush she bought, but what do I know? After all, I'm not one of the 399,000 people that subscribe to her channel there are 399,000 people that subscribe to her channel!?
I really cannot figure out these videos. The vloggers, while all insanely popular, are not all doing this for money; Michelle's is a nonprofit channel and all of the money she makes in advertising goes straight to charity. These women aren't making Haul videos that teach you how to find the best deals on clothes or make up or oatmeal, so they're not exactly practical. And they're not telling you which designers to avoid, or which brands fall apart easily, so there are no lessons. And they're not showing off purchases that come from the fanciest, most expensive stores-- Hell, the veteran with the hairbrush was shopping at a CVS.
"I killed a guy with this. But that's boring, I'm sorry, I'm going to talk about lip gloss again."
There doesn't seem to be an agenda beyond "Hey everyone, here are some things I bought, here's what I was thinking when I bought them, and here's an ocean's worth of run-on sentences." And, again, I don't think that's wrong, or anything, I'm just shocked to find out that they've been hanging out at the same internet as me this entire time and I'm just noticing them now and will never understand them ever. For all I know, they feel the same way. Maybe they recently stumbled onto Cracked and were absolutely shocked to find out there was some site that does nothing but post articles full of dick jokes every single day. I guess what I'm trying to say is, People Who Find and Publish Pictures of Bleeding Nipples, Pet Owners Who Exclusively Post Videos of Dogs Tilting Their Heads, Obsessively Dedicated Christopher Meloni Fans/Stalkers, and Women Who Tell Other Women What They Bought- we're not all that different after all.
(But, yes, I still think you're all very weird.)
Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's Senior Writer (ladies), and yesterday he went to Target and bought bottled water, paper towels, and soap but he forgets what brand, (other ladies).