... she was down to do it. I could tell. Girls have subtle signs they offer savvy men. A slightly raised eyebrow, a faint narrowing of the eyes, a single index finger driven repeatedly through an "O" created by the thumb and forefinger of the opposite hand. Some guys don't get it, but I do. I get sex, and I know when someone wants to have it on top of me.
Just two knocks, spaced apart like a heartbeat, and the lavatory door slowly folded open like a metal labia, revealing the most intimate part of the plane. She was already inside, smoking a cigarette, the smoke detector torn from the ceiling and in pieces in the sink.
"That's a federal crime," I said.
"You think humans learned to fly living by the rules?"
"That's not a logical analogy."
"I'm illogical," she said. "I'm ill everything."
"Gross," I said.
"Shut the door," she said, stubbing out her cigarette in the upturned alarm. "And take your pants off."
Twelve minutes later, both of us collapsed into one another, hot, sweaty and still panting with exertion. My pants were finally off.
"Kind of tight, isn't it?" I said, correctly.
That sign was really misleading.
She caught her breath, then tried and failed at several different crouching attempts. Finally she sat on the toilet, realized that didn't feel right and stood again while putting one foot up on the sink with a "this will have to do" face.
"Rad," I told her with my face, and with my voice.
Movements were limited to the confines of the space -- thrusting was out of the question. Instead we stood against one another and resigned ourselves to twitches. The soap dispenser dripped down my back with every spasm. Twice the toilet flushed, sensually. Then it was over.
"It's over," I said.
"Oh. OK," she nodded and glanced at her cellphone, which she hadn't even bothered switching to airplane mode. Who was this outlaw? "One minute and 53 seconds," she said, like that was a time she had never heard of in her entire life. I explained that technically we had crossed a time zone so it was actually an hour, one minute and 53 seconds, which, if my calculations were right, was a long time for sex. "You're welcome, 24B. Please kick me my pants when you've fully recovered. No rush."
"Rad," her face said, or seemed to say. I don't know. Women make a lot of weird faces ...