4 Hilarious Scenes Left Out of Comic Book Movies

Despite spending a big chunk of the plot punching each other instead of the villain, the superheroes decide to stay together as the Avengers. As in the movie, the team in the comic is composed of Iron Man (back when he was chubbier and completely yellow), Hulk, Thor, and Captain Ame-

Marvel Comics

Wait, who the fuck is this joker?!

What They Left Out:

That joker is Ant-Man, named like that because he has the "power" of shrinking to the size of an ant. Beside him is his assistant/love interest, The Wasp, who also turns tiny but at least gets some wings in return. Ant-Man, on the other hand, has to get around by using exploited ants as skis. I can see why they left him out of the movie: He would have been even less useful than Hawkeye and Black Widow during the big fight scene in New York.

Marvel Studios
"Hey, where's An- whoops."

Despite being universally recognized as the leader and soul of the team, Captain America doesn't show up until issue #4 ... but the thing is, they don't really need him in the fight against Loki, because Ant-Man saves the day. Actually, that's not accurate: Ant-Man's ants save the day. Just regular ants that he talks to, the way Aquaman talks to aquatic animals. How do the ants save the day? Well, at the end of the comic the heroes think they've got Loki cornered, but he turns himself radioactive and starts killing them (which was a thing he could have done at any point, apparently). The mighty Avengers are completely at the mercy of Loki. The team is over before it even started.

That's when the ants open a trapdoor under Loki, drop him into some sort of furnace, and lock him inside.

Marvel Comics
While Ant-Man helpfully commentates on what they're already doing.

At this point, Thor probably invited the ants to join the Avengers, but they were too busy ruining someone's cereal, so the team settled for that Ant-Man assclown. Am I being too hard on the little guy? Probably, but I have to make fun of him while I can before Edgar Wright and Paul Rudd make him cool in his upcoming movie (though I should have learned my lesson after my ill-fated 2007 article, "7 Reasons Why Iron Man Is Stupid and No One Likes Him and Never Will").

It Gets Sillier:

Another big difference between the Avengers movie and comic? I'm pretty sure the movie skipped the part where Hulk tries to go incognito and joins a circus masquerading as a robot clown juggling horses and elephants.

Marvel Comics
"Yes, no one will look at me twice now. I am great at secret identities."

Batman spends several months recuperating abroad until his spine basically fixes itself and he's ready to resume his Batmanning. Eventually he beats Bane in a rematch and then Bane dies, obviously, because there's no more use for the character anymore.

What They Left Out:

Wait, no. That's in the movie. In the comics Bane survives and, having no idea what to do with the character now, the writers said "fuck it" and came up with a plot where he thinks he might be Batman's little brother.

DC Comics
They even got a portrait made in the style of the poster for Step Brothers.

See, that's what happens in comics when a character specifically created for one storyline is allowed to hang around for years and years: His plotlines get increasingly silly until they reach soap opera-esque proportions. In this case, Bane goes on a long quest to find out who his father was, until one day he comes across a photo of his mom with some guy called Dr. Thomas Wayne. As in Thomas "Let's Take a Shortcut Through This Dark Alley, It Looks Really Safe" Wayne, father of Bruce. Alfred confirms that Batman's dad did visit the island where Bane grew up, roughly nine months before his birth, to provide the locals with his special brand of "medical relief."

DC Comics
"Also, one time, he fucked a penguin. Wonder what happened to that ugly kid."

So how does Batman react to one of his biggest enemies making a claim like that? By punching Bane in his shriveled, steroid-filled balls and throwing him out of the city he once threatened to destroy with a clean-energy-device-turned-nuclear-bomb, right? Nope: He lets Bane stay at Wayne Manor, lends him a batmobile, and takes him out on patrols like he's courting a new Robin. To be fair, Bane did chill out considerably during this period, and even started calling himself Wayne. Just Wayne. Wayne who likes to party.

DC Comics
Party on, Bane.

Of course, a few issues later the DNA test Bane and Batman ordered comes back negative, and Bane goes off to continue his dadquest. But the damage is done: He isn't quite so intimidating after you've seen him in a polo shirt.

It Gets Sillier:

More-recent storylines have Bane discovering his tender side and trying his hand at romance -- which is completely awesome, actually, but try to imagine the following dialogue in Tom Hardy's muffled voice:

DC Comics
You'll know you did it correctly if you never feel aroused ever again.

What They Left Out:

Movie Superman is apparently a lot better at putting things behind him than comic book Superman. In Man of Steel, two minutes after Zod's death Superman is making out with Lois Lane among the rubble, so he seems pretty OK now. In the comic, however, he spends pages sitting in a dark room thinking about what he did and sleep-trashing his apartment while having crazy nightmares about Zod.

DC Comics
Fun fact: Half of all images of Superman are also poop faces, apparently.

Eventually, Superman finds only one way of coping with what he did: developing the split personality of Gangbuster, a Hispanic nunchaku-wielding vigilante who goes around beating criminals every night. Unfortunately, there's already another Gangbuster out there who doesn't appreciate Superman cribbing his style, even if Superman has no idea he's doing it. Because he's crazy.

DC Comics
"I would have cribbed Batman's style, but I'm not suicidal."

Upon being confronted with the fact that he's clearly had a mental breakdown and shouldn't be around people anymore, Superman takes that literally and exiles himself in space for several months, until he comes across a Kryptonian gizmo called the Eradicator that helps him get his head straight. Shockingly, it later turns out that the Eradicator isn't as benign as its name suggests, and it manipulates Superman into becoming the cold and brutal Krypton Man. It's only then, after subduing his second split personality (two years after this storyline started), that Superman finally makes peace with having killed Zod.

Now, don't get me wrong: I love this period in Superman comics. I have a whole Tumblr just to talk about it. But do I wanna see all this glorious mess in movie form? Nope. Partly because they couldn't do a long and convoluted storyline like this justice in two, four, or even eight hours, and partly because I really don't need to see Henry Cavill made up to look Hispanic.

It Gets Sillier:

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention one thing: While self-exiled in space, Superman grows a sweet hobo beard and becomes a gladiator in an alien arena world.

DC Comics
OK, I do need to see this in a movie.

Leprechauns? That's also in these comics.

What They Left Out:

Seriously, there are leprechauns. In the same issue where Jean first shows her Phoenix side (a central plot in the movie), Professor X decides to give the rest of the X-Men a vacation, so naturally they go to Ireland to check out a castle that one of them inherited. Once there, the team is ambushed and captured by the Juggernaut and a guy called Black Tom Cassidy (who isn't black, so his villain name isn't racist ... I think?). Thankfully, the mutants run into some little leprechauns who live in the castle and help them out.

Marvel Comics
"For instance, I know you hit your head and this is actually you having an aneurysm."

Nightcrawler instantly becomes friends with these magical beings with Irish accents, but Wolverine isn't so happy to see them -- and with good reason. See that panel above where the leprechaun calls him "Logan"? That's the first time we learn Wolverine's name, the first we learn he even has a name besides Wolverine. A historic moment in the X-Men mythology, and it came from the Lucky Charms mascot.

Marvel Comics
"I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is I don't believe in leprechauns."

It Gets Sillier:

Nightcrawler makes his way around the castle with the help of the leprechauns and finds the place where the Juggernaut is keeping the other X-Men hostage. In order to take the villain by surprise, Nightcrawler decides to use his image-inducer to look like the Juggernaut's brother ... that is, Professor Charles Xavier. His impersonation isn't terribly convincing, though, what with all the uncharacteristic leaping and wisecracking:

Marvel Comics
They actually planned to shoot this scene in X2, but Patrick Stewart threw a shoulder.

Maxwell Yezpitelok hopes that when his FREE action webcomic called ACK is adapted into a movie, they keep all the stupid parts.

Always on the go but can't get enough of those sweet, sweet dick jokes? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article.

Are you a fan of money, everlasting glory, but really just money? We want to give you that! (Particularly the money part.) Enter as many designs as you want into our T-shirt contest and you might just win $500.