Assuming you live an average American lifespan and have average luck, you have a 0.3 percent chance of being the victim of violent crime before you die. That means carrying a gun has a 0.0000648 percent of protecting you from something! Over the course of your life! Those odds are, sadly, lower than the chances of you or someone in your family making a mistake with the gun or having a suicidal urge, but those are factors you can sort of control, so let's ignore them. The point is, carrying a gun to protect yourself is like carrying around a giant strawberry in case someone ever asks, "What's a scarecrow's favorite fruit?" You look like a total a*****e for the teeny, tiniest chance of one day doing something horrific.
But enough about reality. What the s**t does reality know about protecting yourself from imaginary gunmen? Pick up your gun and let's take a look at a self-defense instructional DVD from the ARMED RESPONSE Video Training Series, called Tactics And Techniques For Defensive Shooting.
Showing statistics to gun owners always works, and I just solved our national crisis. You're welcome. However, there are a few who can't be convinced -- those who treat guns like religion. Owning a firearm is the one self-evident truth in their lives, and all of reality is built out from there. The host of this DVD, Ralph Mroz, definitely feels that way, and here's how it works: Since you have a gun, you must need it. And since you need a gun, there must be enemy gunmen everywhere. And since there are enemy gunmen everywhere, you must be switched the f**k on at all times. There is a potential shooter in every car, a potential bomb in every stroller, easily seven cobras in every toilet. Only you can stop them. You're now in the proper mindset to safely go to the bagel shop.