Assuming you live an average American lifespan and have average luck, you have a 0.3 percent chance of being the victim of violent crime before you die. That means carrying a gun has a 0.0000648 percent of protecting you from something! Over the course of your life! Those odds are, sadly, lower than the chances of you or someone in your family making a mistake with the gun or having a suicidal urge, but those are factors you can sort of control, so let's ignore them. The point is, carrying a gun to protect yourself is like carrying around a giant strawberry in case someone ever asks, "What's a scarecrow's favorite fruit?" You look like a total asshole for the teeny, tiniest chance of one day doing something horrific.
But enough about reality. What the shit does reality know about protecting yourself from imaginary gunmen? Pick up your gun and let's take a look at a self-defense instructional DVD from the ARMED RESPONSE Video Training Series, called Tactics And Techniques For Defensive Shooting.
Showing statistics to gun owners always works, and I just solved our national crisis. You're welcome. However, there are a few who can't be convinced -- those who treat guns like religion. Owning a firearm is the one self-evident truth in their lives, and all of reality is built out from there. The host of this DVD, Ralph Mroz, definitely feels that way, and here's how it works: Since you have a gun, you must need it. And since you need a gun, there must be enemy gunmen everywhere. And since there are enemy gunmen everywhere, you must be switched the fuck on at all times. There is a potential shooter in every car, a potential bomb in every stroller, easily seven cobras in every toilet. Only you can stop them. You're now in the proper mindset to safely go to the bagel shop.