Stannis and Davos, whose last name is freaking Seaworth, were planning to confront an entire enemy navy at Blackwater. If they had sent so much as a damn fishing boat in first, they would've known the harbor was empty save for one ship leaking a mysterious neon green liquid. That screams "trap." They could have made a new plan, or sunk the boat themselves from a safe distance and sailed in unscathed. Instead, they just hoped that the enemy, who knew they were coming, hadn't bothered to prepare at all, which is generally not a sound military strategy.

... But, why? He's a bodyguard, not a cop. He should have run straight back to Dany's palace at the first sign of trouble. For all he knew, someone might have been trying to assassinate his queen by using the attacks as a distraction. His death is like if an on-duty Secret Service agent got shot trying to stop a random mugging miles away from the president.

Again, this is a guy who saw the last two kings he served die on his watch. His one job is to protect Daenerys, and he should know that by now. It's out of nowhere for him to die the way he did, and that's according to the guy who played him. Actor Ian McElhinney argued to HBO that his character shouldn't have been killed off so abruptly, and so we'd like to think he left the stage the same way Ser Barristan would've: by telling everyone they were making a mistake while casting down his costume.

Direwolves are giant, snarling death machines that love their owners. Who wouldn't want one? The answer is Jon, apparently, who didn't bring his trusty direwolf, Ghost, to the Battle Of The Bastards. Or to Hardhome. Or really anywhere in Seasons 5 and 6, when Jon was surrounded by people plotting to betray him at Castle Black. Which sure sounds like a good time to have an intelligent, loyal, turbo-murderer roaming the office.

The official explanation for Ghost's apparent gap year to the Summer Isles to find himself is budget restraints, but within the context of the story, there's no good reason for Jon not to have Ghost beside him at all times. Especially the time that he, you know, got stabbed to death by traitors in the Night Watch and had to be brought back to life by desperate magic. Feels like Ghost could have helped sidestep that whole chestnut. Apparently the only thing the North doesn't remember is proper pet ownership.

Sure, Stannis doesn't say how much he has, but you'd think that Sam would consider looking into that little detail, since finding ways to defeat the White Walkers is his only job at this point. Instead, Sam crosses miles of stormy seas and empties countless gross chamber pots in the Citadel to follow Jon's orders and find a supply of dragonglass. And he eventually succeeds! Can you guess where it is?

Think hard now!

Drumroll ...

Yeah, it's Dragonstone.

HBO "I can't believe DRAGONstone has DRAGONglass!!"

The map shows an entire "mountain" of dragonglass precisely where Stannis said it was two goddamn years ago, making Sam's journey a monumental waste of time that was badly needed to prepare for the fight against the White Walkers. After (re)discovering this knowledge that, like in all great dramas, he stumbles across with dumb luck in a random book, Sam even starts to mention Stannis before trailing off. It's like they were trying to explain the plot hole before realizing they couldn't.

Jacopo is a published scholar who wouldn't mind seeing his book License to Quill made into a TV series, so please buy a copy and tell someone at HBO about it. You can also follow Jacopo on Twitter.

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What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, the third book in David Wong's John Dies at the End series, is available now!