The game is a multiplayer experience, meaning you can play online and face up to 23 other opponents in an arena, many of whom could be homosexual or "female" or transgendered or Canadian. They are all equally good players. All that is required is an Internet connection and a subscription to XBox Live, as far as I am aware as a Caucasian, cisgendered, heterosexual male under 40 but over 20.
You or someone playing on your behalf, because either is a valid life choice, will be able to choose from four kinds of plants or zombies. No kind is greater or worse than another. All have a place in the rich tapestry of the game and offer a variety of useful skills and abilities that should be celebrated and enjoyed.
Accuracy Check: This segment of the column was checked for accuracy by a Chinese-American with a peg leg named Louise who is also a lesbian and a Republican. Louise comments that much of the previous review seems accurate, however no paperwork was submitted to support Felix Clay's assertions of being a cisgendered, heterosexual male.
Transparency: Felix Clay wishes it to be known that he purchased the game Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare a week before writing this article completely unaware that it required an Xbox Live Gold membership and there was no local multiplayer functionality. Upon learning these two facts, he was heard to remark "Fuck you, Microsoft." It is unknown at this time if Felix Clay has, in fact, fucked or been fucked by Microsoft since that utterance.
Fairness and Accountability Overview: If it becomes evident at any point in time that Felix Clay has, in fact, been fucking Microsoft, a plant, or a zombie, we will remove this review in full from Cracked.com, its affiliates, and your heart.