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There's A Conflict Of Interest Blocking Your Favorite Shows

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So now that there's a million different shows on a million different outlets, it's time for them all to start fighting for your attention like adorable rabid puppies. While competition is theoretically good, the issue is that the rush for everyone to create original content has completely blurred the line between the companies creating TV shows and the platform people use to watch them. Remember when Microsoft came close to competing with Netflix last year?

via theverge.com

What were the odds that your Xbox would have kept offering the Netflix app if it was directly competing with them? Or PlayStation, now that they they've also begun to make original content? This isn't theoretical either, because Comcast is pretty much guaranteed to deny HBO Go on gaming consoles and streaming boxes -- both the PS4 and Fire TV are entirely devoid of the wacky goings-on of the Lannister family. It sounds dickish, but since we're talking about a company looking to make Comcast obsolete ... why wouldn't they be dicks about it?

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This is the same issue behind Netflix's plans to release the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sequel as their first feature film. Instead of going exclusively to theaters, the company plans to simultaneously release it on IMAX and as a Netflix exclusive -- something that's causing AMC, Regal, and Cinemark theaters to boycott the film, because they want to protect their business model. Oh, and did we mention that this also applies to the future of entertainment?

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There's An Insane (And Useless) Arms Race Of Content

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It's hard to complain about there being too many entertainment options out there, right? Even if it's costing us more than many Americans are contributing to their retirement funds? Here's the thing: Since 2008, the average American home jumped from having 129 channels to 189, raising the price of cable with it. Now, can you guess how many more channels the average viewer would watch as a result?

Nielsen

Zero. Not only do we only watch a fraction of the channels we receive, but that amount (17 channels) hasn't changed in the last eight years. In other words, charging more money to provide more shows isn't going to create more viewership, but rather spread the ratings thinner and thinner. Clearly, the stupid move here would be to flood the already-crowded entertainment landscape with more program -- oh, OK. Never mind, then:

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We're Witnessing The Death Of The Mega-Hit

20th Television

Anyone born before 1990 probably remembers the long summer of 1995, where America was wondering who shot Mr. Burns in The Simpsons -- a finale that caught the eyes of 12.3 million viewers. Anyone born before 1980 probably remembers the season finale of Dallas (which The Simpsons was spoofing), when 83 million people were left wondering who shot J.R. Ewing.

Warner Brothers Television

Back when people didn't have the power to watch whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, you were forced to actually sit down and watch your favorite show when it actually aired. The old television system created a ratings bottleneck, where an entire country could share a single finale, cliffhanger, or fictional tragedy together. And while streaming has undoubtedly improved on the system, one of the casualties was the fun of uniting around one piece of small-screen Americana. For example, despite being a seemingly universal hit that permeated all levels of popular culture, the series finale of Breaking Bad was seen by a measly 10.3 million people. For comparison, that's not even a third of the number that watched the finale of Home Improvement, which was a show about Tim Allen making gorilla sounds at his confused family.

Disney-ABC Domestic Television

By being at our beck and call 24/7, streaming is so awesome and vast that it dilutes audience appreciation the way living next to an all-night Taco Bell lessens the spiritual and technological impact of Doritos Locos Tacos. There are no more mega-hits. There's no show that virtually everyone in America sits down to watch, like M*A*S*H or Cheers. In a way, it's kind of made our current favorite shows less special than they might have been 20 years ago, because we can watch every single episode whenever we want, as opposed to once per week, only catching old episodes when they rerun in syndication.

It's hard to say whether this is a bad thing, but it's definitely not a thing anymore. I understand that this is a marvelously petty complaint, but this entire article has been about how having TV shows beamed directly into our homes from space has made life too good, so meet me halfway here.

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See also 6 Stupid Reasons Actual People Are Scared Of Net Neutrality and 4 Sites Where You See The World Going To Hell In Real Time.