LaToya Jackson's Step Up Workout (1993)
Years ago, amateur Indiana biochemists went through the Jackson's garbage in an attempt to create a second Michael out of food scraps and discarded maxi pads. LaToya Jackson was the shrieking and unkillable result of that experiment. Do not be fooled by LaToya Jackson's timid Michael Jackson impersonation -- it will use your bones to build its nest.
When LaToya raises her voice, local cats go into a blood frenzy, so she doesn't actually lead the workout. The routine is led by National Step Champion and International You Have Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me With This Name, Gay Gasper. LaToya is only there as the celebrity participant and to host a deadly battle between leotard and vaginoplasty. Now take a second and imagine you were Gay Gasper. You're whatever a National Step Champion is, you're built like a womanly dump truck and by any fitness and likeability standards you've earned the right to be the star of your own workout video. Then your producer says, "Sorry, Gay. We need a celebrity face to sell this. Or at least a celebrity face-like meat sculpture. Who did I get? Tell you what: crowbar open that sarcophagus behind you and see for yourself. Just give me a second to move inside this circle of protection."