For best results, try taking a traditional, non-selfie picture when you're in a crowded place. Like on the floor of a convention, or a theme park, or even the mall -- any place there's a lot of people walking around. Have a couple of people pose for a picture while you take the photo from about five feet away. When everyone is in position, the camera will release a magical aura -- a shield composed mostly of people's unwillingness to be the asshole who wanders through other people's photo ops. The torrent of oncoming walkers will move around the photo-taking party. It'll look like a big rock thrown in a brook. Your invisible barrier will prevent them from taking a single step into the picture zone.
20th Century Fox
Won't protect from blasts of energy.
If you've posed for the picture and you've successfully repelled an onslaught of people, congratulations! You've just become the Death Star, Han and Leia haven't destroyed the shield generator yet, and Lando is telling all craft to pull up.
I don't want to be locked away for decades, but I do want to taste the sweet freedom Andy Dufresne feels at the climax of The Shawshank Redemption. Hands hoisted in the air, fully embracing the world beyond the prison walls. It's the same air and the same grass and the same dirt as in the prison, but once Andy tunnels away from being a prison bitch and being under the thumb of a corrupt warden, the air, grass, and dirt must feel different: new, yet familiar. In that moment when Andy looks like he's trying and failing to hug rain, he's actually hugging freedom. Freedom's a good hugger.
How to Make It Real:
Boiled down, a prison break is all about freedom, the sense of escaping ridged, agonizing confinement. If you want to know what it's like to feel that same sense of regained freedom, all you've got to do is drive your car behind a bunch of slow, obnoxious assholes. Or, as I've talked about in another column, be a cop in the dreaded Cop Trap.
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The frustration of being stuck behind some dipshit twerp motherfucker who's going 10 below the speed limit and is getting passed by joggers pushing baby strollers can create an angry, wadded, million-fingered fist of bubbling madness. Claustrophobia creeps in, as your car suddenly goes from being a symbol of freedom to a mobile prison. Stuck -- stuck behind some nowhere-to-be loser who has all the time in the world and not a rat's ass to give about anyone else's schedule. They're just riding out whatever time they've got left, probably hoping their heart will give out a couple miles up the road and their foot will slowly lift off the accelerator, allowing the car to drift and drift until it veers into a lake so they can die among the algae.
You have to escape. You have to break free from the oppressive, creeping wake of this person who, come to think of it, could have jumped out of the car a mile back to escape a monster attack and their car is still rolling to a stop. You check left -- drats! A truck! You check right -- a sliver of an opportunity. With a quick zig-zag, you can dart away from the slow mover, get just behind a slow mover a little ahead in the right lane, then pray to all the gods that there's enough space between the two to cut in front of the slow driver and escape to an open road of endless possibilities.
You did it. You're free. And with no prison rape or gang shivvings, which is nice.
Luis is trying to incorporate the shooting-while-jumping-sideways trope into his daily life. You can find him on Twitter and Tumblr.
For more from Luis, check out 5 Failed Attempts At Keeping Up With Modern Pop Music. And then check out 30 Mind-Blowing (True) Facts about Famous Movie Scenes.