3 Scientific Breakthroughs In Real Life Mind Control

Okay, so telepathy is 8-bit for now. Give it 20 years and it’ll be HD.

Because the visual cortex registers what you see, whether you realize it or not, this process also makes it possible to capture things you haven’t physically seen - like dreams or visualized imaginary scenarios – as well as things you can’t consciously recall seeing, or weren’t paying attention to - like forgotten memories or small details overlooked at the time. So eventually, way down the line, this process could be used for anything visually based, from finding your lost keys, to recording your dreams for later examination. Why you would want to do the latter is anybody’s guess, seeing as how your dreams, if they’re anything like mine, are mostly just jumbled assortments of pop-culture idols gyrating erotically, while abstract representations of your deepest fears chase you through a hedge-maze, finally catching you because you can only run in slow motion while everything else moves in real time.

Like this, but with MacGyver's face. And sexy.

For the time being, they can only recreate crude images like the aforementioned letters, and even then only by painstakingly mapping brain activity recorded while you’re currently looking at something. So on the down side, even if it advanced remarkably, this specific technology could never tell somebody what you were thinking; it could only improve at telling them what you were picturing. But on the plus side, all those violent revenge fantasies you have - where people guilty of the slightest offense towards you are beaten to a pulp by your unerring fists, while all of your female friends and co-workers celebrate your impending victory by stripping off their business attire and engaging in exceptionally bouncy oil fights? Yeah, soon they’ll be able to totally watch that shit. Even record it! Where it will probably get you incredibly, irrevocably fired… or else promoted to the advertising department (depending on the marketability of the jiggles.)

Hint: extremely marketable.

“FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.”

Though in time they trust that the communications will be relayed in your own voice, for now they’re played back via headphones with a robotic speech reader. It’s essentially like having a tiny robot living inside your brain that broadcasts your inner-most thoughts straight to the military – so it turns out that homeless guy outside the library that wears 17 alternating layers of flannel and saran wrap was totally right on this one!

Who’s stupid now, huh? Maybe next time you’ll listen when he tells you about how the aliens drink your piss at night to steal your emotions, smartass.

The three guys on the left were told they're an orchestra, the guy on the floor was told he's a horse and the lady at the bottom was just told to "suck it."

It’s not very specific as of yet - just a vague stimulation of large areas of the brain - but there’s something they’ve been experimenting with for a while that delves a whole lot deeper: things like DBN (Deep Brain Stimulation) and VNS (Vagus Nerve Stimulation), both of which are currently used and apparently effective new techniques implemented to battle things like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, clinical depression, bi-polar disorder, drug addiction – even stuttering. But those procedures are invasive. You have to undergo extremely dangerous neurosurgery, where doctors implant wires in various parts of your brain, which are in turn connected to a battery that sits inside your chest. The battery then emits periodic jolts of electricity to the brain, with different thresholds, timing and placement depending on what condition the patient suffers from, and how intense the symptoms are. The results have been astounding so far, with long-suffering patients seeing instant, complete and lasting recovery in some cases. They describe it “like flicking a switch,” and then all of their symptoms are gone. Now, with this ultrasound breakthrough, the potential is there to see similar effects with targeted sound waves. As the researchers themselves explain it “one prior stumbling block was the skull,” but luckily they found that “the acoustic frequencies can penetrate bone, and yet prevent damage to the soft tissues.” And there’s your first hint that this shit is insanely scary – when the researchers in question describe the human skull as a “stumbling block” to be “penetrated through.”

“If we could just get rid of this fucking thing…”

When you consider that one person’s “personality disorder,” could easily be another’s “general dislike of government policy” or even just a “lack of willingness” to work without pay on Christmas, the implications get pretty ominous. So, scientists will soon be able to fire skull-penetrating sound waves into your head to change your mood and personality. But will they? Surely this is merely for study, not for common civilian uses. That would be an ethics violation of the highest order, and no scientist working on this technology would ever suggest such a thing, right? Actually, as lead researcher Professor Tyler puts it, “the potential applications could range from medical interventions,” like firing a sound gun at you that makes you quit drinking, to “video game uses,” like …what? Really making you feel what emotional states your space marines are going through?

The emotional range of a Space Marine: from "Fuck Yeah!" to "High Five!"

He even goes on to say it could even be used to create “artificial memories along the lines of Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in Total Recall." Imagine taking a vacation without actually going anywhere!” That’s an actual quote from the actual guy that’s actually doing this, by the way. He thinks that Total Recall was a good idea. I guess he missed the part of that movie where it was revealed that the technology in question was either making a man betray himself in order to enforce the will of a corrupt corporation that literally suffocated the poor, or else it was all the deluded fantasy of said man as he died from an embolism, trapped forever in the artificial dreams as his life ebbed away. If they’re really trying to introduce mind control technology as something good and harmless for use in civilian applications - maybe they should avoid citing their inspirations as being directly drawn from villainous science fiction plots regarding hopeless dystopian futures populated by mutants and exploding heads.

“Let’s make this shit happen.” –Science

Although, there was a girl with three titties in that movie… Nevermind, science. I see where you’re going with this. Keep up the good work!

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You can read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots, but that's really your choice. Enjoy it while it lasts.