"Ja- They sound exactly the fucking same. When did I become the one of us that makes sense?"
"In this one recurring nightmare I have -- but we're not in that right now, this is real life. The word I'm using is a portmanteau of 'Comic' and 'kamikaze.' It's something I want you to attend, it's a comic book convention here in Los Angel-"
I simultaneously vomited and dove out my window.
"See? I told you this wasn't one of my nightmares," Jack said to no one in particular, segging his way to the elevator.
"Daniel," Jack said, towering above me. "Get up."
"Holy Shit, Jack Costeau'Brien, how did you even find me?"
"What? You jumped out of your window, hit the ground and passed out on impact. Did you hallucinate a better escape than that?"
"No," I said with a sigh. "Just a much dumber boss. Reality's a drag."
"Preaching to the choir," Jack said. "But, back to business. I need you to attend Comikaze at the Los Angeles Convention Center. It's a comics, comedy, geek and all around pop culture convention. It's-"
"I'm going to make this whole conversation go a lot faster," I said, spitting out glass and bits of Kit Kat. "No. No, I'm not going, yes, you can fire me, and no, that won't stop me from showing up at the office every day. I hate comic conventions. Hate, with a capital middle finger. Do you remember what happened the last time you sent me to a comic book convention?" Jack squinted and stared off thoughtfully.
A few years ago, Cracked.com sent me to the San Diego Comic-Con, and my experience was less than ideal. In short, I could barely move (because that's what happens when you cram 200,000 people and a giant Lego Transformer into the same space), I got caught in the middle of a tedious nerd war (because that's what happens when you stick all of the world's most passionate fans in the same place), and I got sick (because that's what happens when you force someone to breathe the same air as a few hundred thousand other people for whom hygiene is not a priority). In even shorter, fuuuuuuuck Comic-Con. Yes. I'll say it again. Fuuuuuu-