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My Four Go-To Comedy Philosophers -- Choose at Least One

Via NPR

Additional Disclaimer: This is the 21st century, and MRI techniques have now cleared up any remaining questions about the nature of comedy. Therefore, some of my essential go-to philosophers listed below may no longer be useful.

I. FREUD: He said, "The pleasure of humor ... comes about ... at the cost of a release of affect that does not occur: It arises from an economy in the expenditure of affect." Plus, "The energy released in laughing at a joke is the energy normally used to repress hostile and sexual feelings." You can't read that and not laugh.

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Orgy averted.

II. ARISTOTLE: He hints that incongruity is the basis for humor, and thus his favorite example of comedic writing is this story excerpt: "... and as he walked, beneath his feet were -- chilblains (a painful, itching swelling on the skin, typically on a hand or foot)." Although the comedy is a tad on the nose, his explanation is the special sauce.

III. KANT: He explains that "Laughter is an affection arising from the sudden transformation of a strained expectation into nothing." As an example, Kant provides this cute bit: "An Indian at the table of an Englishman in Surat, when he saw a bottle of ale opened and all the beer turned into froth and overflowing, testified his great astonishment with many exclamations. When the Englishman asked him, 'What is there in this to astonish you so much?' he answered, 'I am not at all astonished that it should flow out, but I do wonder how you ever got it in.'" As we say in the business, "You can't write shit that good."

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Feel free to use that one to impress your friends. They will appreciate your wit.

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My Five "Go-To" Comedy Writing Tricks

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I. The Comic Timing Trick: How many times have you heard that all comedy is timing? Easy to say, but hard to explain. Here's my trick: Write your comedy very fast or very slow or at a normal speed, but pick a speed and stick to it. If you have trouble typing fast, then slow might be your speed. Find your comedy speed.

II. The Funny/Not Funny Trick: After every joke, there should be a corresponding really sad moment. Then right back to something funny. Why does this work? Because it just does.

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Her husband just died. Use that to your advantage!

III. The Write What You Know Trick: Your own experiences are like gold -- they are yours and yours alone. Don't squander them. For example, if you have a favorite episode of Kramer, write that one. (Bonus tip: If you TiVo the episode, it's easier to get the words just perfect. If you think TiVo is too "yesterday," then contact your cable provider and ask about their digital recording package.)

IV. The Wacky Next Door Neighbor Trick: When you include the wacky neighbor in your pilot, don't give him or her a devastating skin condition. If this is a temptation, ask yourself a few questions: A) Why am I doing this to my show? B) Is there an ointment?

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There is. And that ointment is "comedy."

V. The ABV Trick: Always be vulgar. Year after year, we get more data that vulgar is what males from 13 to 37 want. And, other than females, males are your most important audience. If you don't believe me, try this demonstration: I am now going to print a phrase chosen on purpose to make you uncomfortable: "sanitary napkin." Right? It gets your attention! And then you laugh to relieve pent-up energy "normally used to repress hostile and sexual feelings." (Freud)