All of those paranormal tween movies bombed because you had no idea how to make kids look up from trading Snapchats of their butt-chugs on their Game Gears. By the way, The Hunger Games doesn't count, because nobody's going to Comic-Con dressed as "vitamin B deficiency" or making millions off of Eight Inches of Snow (Fifty Shades of Grey starring Donald Sutherland, of course).
"Hey, shorty, my beard is a merkin."
But as someone with absolutely no marketable insights into youth culture, I think I could bring a bold outsider perspective to the young-adult-novel game. Furthermore, my credentials are sterling: I recently wrote my own Star Wars fan fiction for this very site. Also, people are making bank on dinosaur erotica -- how hard can it be? Here are three monsters that I deem the next Draculas-who-wait-until-marriage.
NOTE #1: Dear publishers and agents who want to swaddle me in a man-size papoose woven of crisp hundos: The requisite progression here is book, corn maze based on the book, movie, and another corn maze based on the movie. I'm trying to scam some farm subsidies out of this. (You buy my whole vision or nothing at all.)
NOTE #2: To ensure that your imagination sockets are properly greased, I'll need you to listen to John Tesh's "Roundball Rock" on loop for the duration of this article.