Of course Gwyneth Paltrow has sex advice, and of course it's as dumb as a PhD thesis on quantum mechanics written by Kanye West and Donald Trump. Mysterious "libido-enhancing" gadgetry? Check. $15,000 golden dildos? Check. $3,000 vaginal radio frequency treatments? Orgasmic meditation? Naturopath-endorsed vegan lubes? Check, check, goddamned check. I have no idea whether Paltrow is the world's best or worst person in bed. However, she's definitely the most unnecessarily prepared, and it seems like her vagina has its own driver to bring it to your bedroom.
"You can buy all those from my website, Goop.com. I've long since stopped pretending it doesn't sound like an online sex shop.
Of course, there are people who consider this overpriced new age bullshit interesting and solid advice, which kind of makes you want to side with the Joker and watch the world burn. But even they should flee when Gwyneth gets more hands-on with her advice. Despite her supposedly progressive views, she's a somewhat infamous proponent of the "argument blowjob": When a man and a woman have a fight looming, the woman should just drop her stance on the subject and then proceed to drop on her knees. According to Gwyneth, this is a "good thing, energetically." Other, less energetically-inclined people, such as myself, might point out that she's doing a swell job of describing every single implied off-screen event in The Stepford Wives.