Also! Tridents are great for sinning! I don't want to go into all the details on how you could use a trident in a sexual way, but just know that they do exist, that they hurt like hell, that some people are really into that, and that that's OK. If you're into that, rad man, you fork you.
And speaking of sinning, you could always ...
Fuck Up Someone's Whole Day
And here we loop back to the original use case of the trident, except replacing the fish with someone who needs their day fucked up. This could be something as simple as stabbing them, obviously, but by now you should have a lot more understanding of the abilities of your trident. You could also:
Wreck their blimp
Seduce their mate
Crosscheck their mate
Knock something out of their hands
Comb their mate's hair from a great distance
Twirl up a great big ball of their spaghetti and then eat it
And the list goes on from there.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and just a delight for airport security agents. The author of the science fiction novel Severance, his next novel, Freeze/Thaw is available for preorder now! Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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