Sure itâs only six inches tall right now, and leashed to a computer, but can you honestly tell me, with fists shaped like that, that this thing is meant for anything other than being sent into the past to kill me for trying to warn the world about it? __
This is a special type of robot that can skitter about like an insect and terrify cats. Oh, it can jump too.
Thatâs right, Japan has made a f*****g robot head-crab. __
This industrial robot is capable of determining if an object placed upon its sensor is a wheel. âBeep,â it says cheerfully during the demonstration. The audience applauds. "I've got them right where I want them," it thinks to itself. __
Japanâs got lots of robot competitions. Remember those robot wars shows that were really popular with guys like you a few years back? Well in Japan they've got the same thing, except without any stupid wedge cars, and the robots are bipedal and playing more complicated sports like soccer or competitive diving. Hereâs the winner of one of these competitions, with his winning robot slung over one shoulder, and his prize, which appears to be a bag of fertilizer. What use could fertilizer be for a robot? Oh, that's right,
According to the press release accompanying this photo, this fully articulated snake-bot is notable for the fact that it can move both on land and in water and wants desperately to understand the human concept of âhugs.â __
Hereâs a different version of the snake-bot, beside what is presumably its primary fuel source. __
Assuming this man is riding in this robot, and not being consumed by it, which is admittedly wishful thinking on my part, this appears to be some sort of commuting device/mobilized robotic armor. Not quite Macross, but I guess weâre getting there. __
Hereâs the âsupermodelâ robot that made the news recently. It's not very attractive, so I'm guessing the big appeal is it can do cocaine a lot faster than regular models? __
And hereâs the ass shot, for the 10 percent of you interested in that sort of thing, but wonât cop to it. And also for the three percent of you who would fill the comments section with âass pix plz thnxâ comments. __
Another humanoid robot, not nearly as advanced as model-bot, but eight times as terrifying. Perhaps worried that their creation was an affront to everything their God created, the makers decided to put a wig on it to disguise it as Bon Jovi. __
Hereâs BonJovibot again, as two technicians discuss their options for getting upskirt shots of it. __
Finally a robot with some classic 50s lines. This looks like it was made by General Electric, and can assist with household chores and dispensing Valium. __
This shot demonstrates that robots can be disguised as anything. These seals? Robots. The guy? Probably not a robot. But until I see him bleed human blood, heâs not getting into my home. __
A wall climbing robot, proving in the future we wonât be safe on the ceiling either. Also of note, Japanâs version of Vanna White, whom Iâm guessing let the robot pick out an outfit for her. __
This thing could teabag a car. Thatâs actually pretty awesome. __
Two robots in this one (can you spot both? Look carefully!) The wheelchair bot is actually pretty cool. Itâd give wheelchair bound individuals a lot more personal freedom, and the ability to punch through walls or crush the larynxes of people who had wronged them in some way. Like robots, Iâm imagining wheelchair-bound people to hold a lot of deep-seated resentment to the world, so I can see how theyâd get along well. __
Look at that robot on the right. It looks like itâs being punished. Holy crap, have you ever seen a robot look so sullen before? Imagine an angst filled teenager with the physical strength of a garbage truck. Now imagine it not caving-in a daycare to get attention. I sure canât. __
Despite the fact that I (A) consider myself pretty smart and (B) have been reading Japanese web sites all afternoon, I surprisingly still canât read Japanese. So I have no idea what this sign says. But if this is anything other than a robot designed for practicing French kissing, I donât want anyone to correct me. __
Oh s**t! Itâs right behind you! __
I guess this is how Japanese children are taught about sex now? __
This is a picture of a robotic manipulator, grasping a child around the waist. The child is either indicating something heâs just done in his pants, or how many more birthdays heâd like to live to see. __
This is Temsuk, the first robot capable of criticizing what's on TV. __
Temsuk again, being given an honorary doctorate from a mid-range university. __
More ceremony. The guy on the right is just furious for some reason. Itâs like he just lost a big promotion to Temsuk. __
Oh, holy balls. Has Japan made a two story robot in the shape of a titanium baby? The best available evidence (this picture) says that yes they have. __
The horrifying abomination runs on the power of childrens' dolls. Is it too great a leap of the imagination to suggest it will soon run on babies? When consulted, my imagination stated flatly, âNo.â __
Holy f**k. If youâre looking for a reasonable explanation, or at least solace, you wonât find it on the creatorâs website, where it explains: This GIANT TORATAN doll is the ultimate child's weapon, as it sings, dances, breathes fire, and follows only those orders given by children Because if thereâs anything I can imagine thatâs more murderous and hate-filled than robots, itâs children. __ And that's that. I invite everyone to share their strategies for surviving the upcoming recession/baby-robot holocaust in the comments section. Any submissions that impress me enough will get an invite to come hang out in my robot shelter and eat cases of fruit rolls-ups with me when The Day Comes. __
Our bodies are changing.
Many of today's celebrities have some real surprises in their family trees.
Everybody loves a good old-fashioned meltdown.
Science is fun.
Fictional love triangles are always a rigged game.