A Bucket List is a list of things that someone intends to do before they die, the missed experiences that this person imagines will help flesh out and define their life. Its name is derived from the phrase "kicking the bucket," a euphemism for dying, though why it wasn't derived from our preferred euphemism for death -- "going tits up" -- is a mystery. "Tits Miscellanea." There, that's it. That's what it could have been. Missed opportunity, universe. Obviously, Cracked readers' lifestyles carry a great deal of risk. Just reading this site's comments section is enough to dangerously raise your blood pressure, and we've also got a special font which will make your monitor explode that we're waiting for the right time to use. Poised seconds from death at all times, Cracked readers are a natural audience for great bucket list ideas. We've tried to help you with that a bit below, avoiding the old standbys, and instead opting for more unique Cracked-esque experiences. Hopefully this will provide you doomed folk a unique and satisfying winter to your existence, or at least some amusing eulogy fodder.
This is the third way to go.
"Witnesses report the suspect was aggressively pantsless."
Your hands to start, that is ...
This is the one we're thinking of.
"And in their final battle, the Sajak leaped on to the wheel to chase him, but the Sajak was thrown off, and fell to the earth, and cried."
"Just be cool. Be cool Christian Bale. This is going to work. Stop crying."
Dick Dastardly, Cracked's other patron saint.
Imagine the construction of this sandwich narrated by the soothing tones of Morgan Freeman, and you'll see what we mean.
"Oh. There were just more trees behind it. I really should have checked that before -- sorry tree."
"Hey! Hey you fucking giraffe. That's cheating. Put that neck back up."
"3, 2, 1, Merry Christmas everybody! Every ... homeless ... body. Man you guys are sad. You're making me sad."
Many pianos have an option that lets them play themselves on mute.
Feel free to reuse your skybungeeing crane.
The one with the blood shot himself after seeing his tacky barbed wire armband. The other one is begging to not get a Chinese character which means "Wok" printed on his lower back.
"No, we can't both play Colonel Mustard. Because. Because I said so. Stop crying."
This one will do.... and wait how long it takes for him to challenge you to a race around the world. To keep things interesting, insist on using only homemade methods of transportation, the crazier the better, a condition the eccentric millionaire is sure to agree to.
He's got like 30 of them.Then, using the money and technical know-how that Christian Bale possesses, build your own round-the-world capable flying contraption ...
"What do you mean this 80-year-old comic isn't a "blueprint"? Just make it work. STOP CRYING."... and have the adventure of a lifetime! (Here "lifetime" refers to both your natural lifespan, or the length of time it takes Christian Bale to realize the gun you have trained on him isn't loaded, whichever is shorter.) ___________________