As a rule, none of the Cracked bloggers talk at great length about themselves. Sure we add a few touches here and there to make certain articles funnier or more relatable, but these items are almost always exaggerated, if not outright fictions. For example, reading many of Dan's posts
, you wouldn't picture him as an elderly Chinese woman, which he most assuredly is. This policy was put in place long ago by our editors, partly to keep the blog relevant to as wide an audience as possible, and also partly due to a healthy fear of the stalkers and readers with lurking-themed criminal records who realistically make up the bulk of said audience.
As a consequence, most of our regular readers won't be aware of the fact that I'm Canadian, and Cracked.com's official "Overseas Correspondent." The reason I don't talk about it much is because it honestly isn't that amusing. It turns out that all of the funny Canadian jokes have already been told, and in retrospect, they weren't that funny to begin with, e.g, we all say "aboot," we're all unfailingly polite, and we all live in igloos,
hur hur hur.
Also, we unnecessarily add 'U's to perfectly good words like colour, neighbour and couck-sucker.
I bring up my shameful northern heritage today because it's Canada Day, our nation's birthday. Canada Day is just like your Independence Day, except it's about 3 days earlier, and we never had a movie made about it where Bill Pullman plays the President.