Remember that friend from high schools who was always bragging about being an astronaut? What a total D-bag. You have every right not to spare him now that you have been made a queen by the invading aliens who were angered by the presence of the International Space Station. You are no longer the checkout clerk helping a successful former classmate bag their six-packs. You are Quarkina, Goddess of the Stars, Leader of the Fourth Fleet, and arbiter of who lives and dies. But the question is: What do you do with this newfound success? Do you lord your power over everyone like that no-good valedictorian did to you? Do you send him careening into the sun, as is your wont and right? Or do you say, "Hey Paul, great to see you. Sorry about all this. Let me know if you ever need any oxygen"? It's totally up to you.
Ignore That Voice In Your Head That Says Wearing A Rug For A Coat Is Weird
You can't tell you what to do! Put a rug on your body and go out into the world. You're out of your goddamn mind, and that's great!!!
What do Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson in Taken, and the Dos Equis guy have in common? They're all losers compared to some of the actual badasses from history whom you know nothing about. Come out to the UCB Sunset for another LIVE podcast, April 9 at 7:00 p.m., where Jack O'Brien, Michael Swaim, and more will get together for an epic competition to find out who was the most hardcore tough guy or tough gal unfairly relegated to the footnotes of history. Get your tickets here!
Check out the strangest catalogs of all time in 28 Items from the Worst Gift Catalog Possible, and find out what "mandages" are in Finally, A Holiday Catalog For The Criminally Insane.
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