And so, heart in your stomach (those first-day jitters catching up with you), you'll reach out, grasp the doorknob and ...
You'll Prepare Your Desk For Your Successor, So That They Might Stand Some Chance Of Surviving
And now, having seen the dark truth that lies in Room 212, and understanding the implications it has for you, your quarterly performance review, and the chains that bind and indeed have forever bound humanity, you'll return to your desk and quietly prepare it for your successor. More notes, better notes, adding what you've learned to the wisdom of your forerunners so that someone, someday might break the cycle.
"If you are reading this, know that I believe in you, pressing F6 opens input mode, and the shadows are always watching."
That done, you'll tidy up your desk, wave goodbye to your manager who's just heading out for the evening themselves. "Good day?" he asks.
"You know it, chief!" you'll say, meaning it, playing your role to the end.
The revolver awaits ...
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and doesn't actually encourage suicide, even in the event of an inescapable cycle of workplace-horror. As the author of the amazing novels, Freeze/Thaw and Severance he thinks you should definitely go buy both of those now. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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