Tip #2: Highlighter
Use a highlighter to color words in your books. This will make it feel like you're actually studying. Actually studying involves reading the words, which is also good, but much more time consuming, and frankly discriminatory against people who don't want to read.
Tip #3: Study Group
Try joining a study group to help you prepare for exams. Assign sections of the material to each person in the group, then make that person provide a summary of the key information in that section to the rest of the group. Because the effectiveness of this technique depends on the people involved, finding the right study group is important. An easy trick for this: if you can't tell which one of your study friends is the dumb one, then it's probably you. This is thus an excellent study group for you.
In exam-mad Japan, study groups have complicated rituals.
Tip #4: Not Kidding Anyone
It's time to just admit that you're hosed. There is no chance at all that you'll be able to pull this off, and if we're being honest, you'd probably be better off smacking yourself in the crotch with a hammer labeled "Self-Deception" then you would be by studying. With that taken as fact, the smartest thing you could do right now is just give up and stop wasting your time. Congratulations on making a very grown up decision.
Tip #5: The Shame
But having come to that very mature decision, you can just picture your dad. And he's not one of the "I'm just disappointed in you" types. FATHER: -angry-
You spent twenty eight thousand dollars to jerk off and play video games? Don't answer me. I don't want to know the truth. I doubt it's better. In fact I think I'm actually being pretty charitable describing your life. Yeah, you honestly can't live through several decades of that. So maybe it's time to buck up and find an alternative solution. Study-Ho!