Anthony Bourdain Pledged To Boycott The President-Elect's New D.C. Restaurant
The Story: Celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain is not impressed that other chefs have agreed to work in Donald Trump's hotel. How unimpressed? He called one of them a loaf of shit and basically likened working there to working for Nazis.
2011's Reaction: Why is a foulmouthed chef likening the president to a Nazi? Oh my god, can you imagine back when no one made Nazi comparisons to Trump, and how hard it would be to try to explain how we got to this point to people back then? "Well, see, the guy from The Apprentice called every Mexican a rapist and decided we'd wall them all off back in Mexico, then he vowed to deport all the Muslims in America, then he hired a guy who runs a white supremacist website to be in his cabinet ... oh, and he's pretty sure Obama is from Kenya." All of that is actually true, not even embellished. Suck on that, 2011.
Governor Chris Christie Went On A Tweeting Rampage After His "Revenge Bill" Failed
The Story: The governor of New Jersey was implicated in a ridiculous scheme to cause a traffic jam in order to get revenge on a mayor who didn't endorse him in a reelection campaign. After trying to push through a failed bill to punish newspapers that ran that story, the governor whined like a baby on Twitter.
2011's Reaction: This sounds like the plot of a really shitty political drama. Like if someone wanted to do a knockoff of The West Wing, but it had to air on The CW or something like that, and every episode revolved around a completely ludicrous plot that would obviously never happen in real life, because no one really elects politicians this shallow or stupid, right? Yeesh.
Donald Trump Reportedly Rejected John Bolton For Secretary Of State Over His Mustache
The Story: This is exactly what it sounds like. Donald Trump apparently thinks this old fart's soup sifter is so out of order that he must be an unreliable old coot who can't be trusted with responsibility.
2011's Reaction: You lose political jobs in 2016 due to mustachery? Is that even legal? Is that a wild new form of really idiotic discrimination? You can't refuse to hire people based on sex or religion or race, are we rejecting them based on facial hair or something like a penchant for sweatpants now? It's like we have to invent new things to hate when we come to realize the old things to hate aren't fair or reasonable anymore. "I'd never discriminate against a person just because they're Swedish. But if that fucker has a goatee, I will punch his sternum."