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Sadly, the job market doesn't really care if you were captain of the JV water polo team or wasted a teenage summer filling their pool with pudding. Getting a good job requires actually useful skills. Here are some that'll land your resume in the gold star pile.
Yes, the population of active Facebook users is larger than any country on Earth and the alien mind slugs that control them, but that doesn't mean that anything you post will immediately reach millions of people. With the Facebook Advertising: 2017 Facebook Ads Certification Course, you'll learn how to implement ads on Facebook's platform, track user engagement, and optimize campaigns so that you can reach as many mind slugs as possible. It usually goes for over $180, but you can get this concise introduction for $15.
Much like the Mind Flayer in Stranger Things 2, Google has insight into everything connected to its network. (Save us your "spoilers!" tags. We know you've seen it five times over by now.) Google Analytics provides essential data for anyone doing business online, and the Complete Google Analytics Course For Beginners shows you how to wield that power to maximize efficiency. Get it in the Cracked Shop for $15.
iOS App Development
Whether you're using an Android, an iPhone, or a series of coconuts rigged together Gilligan's Island-style, the App Store is the best avenue around for major profitability. To start your own artisanal software shop and get in on the action, this iOS 11 and Xcode 9: Complete Swift 4 & Objective-C Course will have you building 25 fully functional apps. Lifetime access to these 55 hours of content can be had for 92 percent off the usual price, just $15.
Having An MBA-Level Education
Simply having a bachelor's degree is no longer very impressive to potential employers. However, a Master's in Business Administration makes their hearts go "hubba hubba!" (Because evidently, the hearts of employers are 1950s sitcom characters.) Since most people don't have the time or funds to schmooze at business school for two years, this Entire MBA in 1 Course will give you the abridged version for just $15.
Network Penetration Testing
If you believe that everyone should be able to while away the hours looking at dancing cat GIFs without fear of their user data leaking out like a sieve, consider getting into cyber security. How to Build a $120,000/Year Career as a Web Penetration Tester does exactly what it says on the tin, and is available in our store for $19.
Growth hacking isn't a horticultural shortcut, nor is it a fast track to huge gains at the gym. It's about building an online customer base as quickly as possible using digital marketing. It's an in-demand skill set, that gets even more in-demand by the day and you can get introduced to the tools and techniques with this Growth Hacking with Digital Marketing Masterclass. Pick up these 7.5 hours of instructional material here for $15.
While a 12-week coding boot camp could definitely earn you a junior developer position at an emerging startup, not everyone has the ability to abandon his or her families to go to computer camp for a quarter. However the Complete Web Developer Course will hone your full-stack development chops by having you build 14 websites and you can do it all without having to splurge on a babysitter. Get it for just $14.99.
Putting numbers on a grid is one thing, but creating and understanding the formulas is where the real magic happens. People have written entire software applications using just Excel and Visual Basic scripting language and they didn't have to be the computer equivalent of David Copperfield to do it. Get introduced to simple task automation in everyone's favorite spreadsheet program with Become an Excel VBA Expert for Beginners is in the Cracked Shop for 87% off the usual price - just $12.
Ruby on Rails Development
Compared to the utter mess of competing libraries and platforms that make up the rest of the web tech landscape, Ruby on Rails is a developer-friendly oasis. This opinionated framework helps you start building apps quickly while minimizing the actual code you write, and you can learn its unique ways in the Complete Ruby on Rails Developer Course. Grab this training here for $30.
Remote-control helicopter pilot / cameraman is the ideal job for the video game-addled child in all of us, and you can be first in line when the dream factory opens with this course in drone videography. You'll learn how to maneuver your quadcopter with daredevil precision and capture beautifully composed footage after just 2 hours of instruction. Drones: Learn Aerial Photography and Videography Basics is just $15 in our store.
For more ways to obliterate your rat race competition, check out 10 Ways To Escape 9-5 Hell For Good.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.