In Mixed Martial Arts
, a knockout can come in many forms, but the most spectacular are ragdoll knockouts. Ragdoll physics were invented in the 90s so serial killers could masturbate to video games. It's a system of flopping that allows bodies to dramatically flail even after they are rendered dead by a rocket or traffic accident.
For a real life example, here is Tank Abbot's knockout of Steve Nelmark from The Ultimate Ultimate '96. Before the creation of ragdoll physics, Steve's limbs, head and torso would have all been going in similar directions. With the help of modern science, that hasn't happened here. Let's take a look at some others!
UFC 98 - The Talkative Ragdoll
Lyoto Machida vs. Rashad Evans
When you grow up doing karate, you learn awesome and impossible things. Like how to cross your arms perfectly to catch incoming punches, or how to levitate out of the way of multiple nunchuck attacks. I can't even type about the advanced stuff because I can't trust you with it
. I'm serious, my kung fu sensei once taught the heart exploding touch to someone and they died microwaving a burrito. But that guy'd been training for over two years. When non-grand masters try these techniques, they realize that Face Punch Speed beats Wax Off Speed almost every time. And it really only has to win once or twice.
Well, Lyoto Machida took all those crazy secrets of the Orient and found a way to make them work. He fights like we thought people fought before MMA existed. Rashad Evans looked like an extra in a Steven Segal movie while he spent eight minutes unable to hit him. Which might be why Rashad decided to stop letting his fists do the talking.
While utilizing his face to absorb karate, Rashad Evans drunkenly explained to Lyoto that he hits like a little bitch. Which is a pretty ironic thing to say right before a guy shuts down your entire nervous system.
Rashad Evans's Brain: "Guard our face."
Rashad Evans: "You... ouch... can't hurt me!"
Rashad Evans's Brain: "The guy barely even speaks English, stop playing mind games with his hands."
Rashad Evans: "Ow! You hit like a bitch!"
Rashad Evans's Brain: "Alright, fuck you. I'm not staying awake for this."
Rashad Evans's Legs: "Hey, we're falling this direction!"
Rashad Evans's Brain: "Oh, don't you start with me too. You do what you want, but I'm going this way!"
Pride Total Elimination 2003 - The Classic Ragdoll
Mirko Cro Cop vs. Igor Vovchanchyn
Mirko Cro Cop is a martial artist, part of the Croatian Parliament and a member of a special forces anti-terrorist unit. Also, after kicking 25 brave human heads into low orbit, he is personally considered Croatia's only space program. (He is for ages 10 and up, Aqua Battlebike sold seperately.)
Mirko Cro Cop is shining example of what can happen when lunatic Eastern European gods mistake G.I. Joe
cartoons as instruction manuals. Igor Vovchanchyn has a much different origin story. He was created by Cold War scientists trying to cross breed man and industrial equipment. Before the collapse of the Soviet Union, Vovchanchyn was to be used for blast mining and digging train tunnels.
They were scheduled to fight at Pride Total Elimination 2003, an event that took its name from the likely elimination of all life in a perfect one-mile impact crater around them. For 90 seconds, they circled each other, Igor's right hand and Cro Cop's left foot each acting out the plot to