Wash Your Butt Like a Civilized Person With This Bidet, 20% Off This July 4th

This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

Europeans may have done myriad horrible things across the globe over the centuries, but they sure know how to take a poo. Every year, Americans flush more than three million tons of toilet paper -- the equivalent of roughly 54 million trees -- while Europeans are spritzing their butts with delightfully warm water, which is not only better for the environment and more hygienic but also feels pretty nice.

We're not embarrassed at Cracked to admit that we love a warm shot of water to the butthole. If you, too, want to jump on board the bidet train, check out Aim to Wash! Smart Toilet Seat, on sale for an extra 20% off if you purchase by July 5.

This bidet reinvents your toilet, giving you a dual nozzle to wash your bum every time you make. It has an endless supply of hot water thanks to its patented tankless design and simple controls to adjust water temperature and switch between rear cleansing, frontal wash, and dryer action. The dryer only takes about 30 seconds to make you feel fully dry and clean, which may seem like a long time, but the seat is heated, so you won’t mind hanging out for a minute to pamper your business.

In addition to the bidet benefits, Aim to Wash also has an adjustable LED toilet night light so you'll never stumble around in the dark looking for the toilet again. It also has a no-slam soft-closing seat mechanism so you don't inadvertently announce to the whole house, “Groomin' my ass in here!”

Treat your bum the way you would like to be treated: like royalty. Right now, you can get the Aim to Wash! Smart Toilet Seat for just $159.99 (reg. $299) with promo code JULY20.

Prices are subject to change.