My Favorite Switch Game Put Me In An MRI
Gaming can be dangerous. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. It happened to me and buddy, it can happen to you. I am what you might call an “irresponsible gamer” when it comes to my health. My body is a desecrated temple full of boba tea and coffee and IPAs, or as I like to call any beverage I’m drinking whilst I game: Daddy’s Gamer Juice. Just like the outdated graphics card in your decade old PC, what you put inside your body matters. I knew that would catch up to me someday. But what I didn’t know was, the outside is just as important. Here’s how I wound up in an MRI after binging Wargroove.
Wargroove is a 2019 turn based strategy game with adorable pixelated art and devilish gameplay. It’s addicting and was my personal game of the year in 2019. Controlling miniature warriors to attack or defend against AI opponents, battling through a charmingly scripted and absolutely brutally hard campaign is at the heart of this excellent game from publisher Chucklefish. This game was so addicting that even though I loathe repetition, I spent hours re-doing the same battle over and over until I finally triumphed.
Those hours spent hunched over my Switch caught up with me though. I developed what I’m calling “Gamers Neck.” As I huddled, clenched like a stone gargoyle hanging off the side of a fancy library, I was straining various micro and macro muscles in my neck, back, and face. I didn’t realize this until far too late. My posture was so abysmal (and Wargroove’s gameplay loop so satisfyingly good) that I began to have splitting headaches. I never get headaches. So I, being the extremely wise person that I am, immediately thought along the lines of a Curb Your Enthusiasm character: it’s a brain tumor.
It didn’t cross my mind that “Oh, you just sat totally still for four hours with your neck craning down like a melting candy cane. That is probably causing your headache.” It wasn’t until I was in the hellishly loud, panic inducing MRI machine that I realized “you idiot, you just need to sit up straighter.” But having some time where I was forced to put down the game made me realize that I was a big, hunched over dumb dumb. Luckily, I was tumor free and had realized the error of my ways. MRI’s are very expensive, so I’m passing these two nuggets of wisdom onto you for free: 1. Make sure you have good posture while you play video games. 2. Play Wargroove. It’s so good it was worth this harrowing, embarrassing experience.