Skateboards Are So 2002
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
It's 2022, and even if Zenon got pretty much everything wrong, one thing she didn't miss was us having cooler ways to get around. Case in point: The Hover-1(TM) ASTRO Hoverboard with LED Lights & Built-In Bluetooth Speaker. This extremely Zenon-esque hoverboard is certified refurbished and has an illuminated LED deck that you can customize with the companion app. Not only does it allow you to set the RGB color scheme on the ultra-bright LED infinity wheels, boards, and footpads for a chill neon vibe even those Euphoria kids would envy, you can even access the Bluetooth speakers to zip around on what's basically a mobile boombox. No more duct-taping your ghetto blaster to the handlebars of your bicycle.
With dual 200W motors and a powerful Lithium-ion battery, you can zip around at up to seven miles per hour with a range of up to six miles. That's plenty far for most commutes, allowing you to ride to work in style, charge your Hoverboard at work, and ride home at night like a rave boss. No worries that you might fall over while jamming out -- the 6.5" solid wheels ensure greater durability for bop safety.
Travel in Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century style. Right now, you can get a certified refurbished Hover-1(TM) ASTRO Hoverboard with LED Lights & Built-In Bluetooth Speaker for 22% off $249 at just $192.99. If you aren't ready to spend that much, you can get a slightly less souped-up model in the Hover-1(TM) i-100 Hoverboard with LED Lights & Built-In Bluetooth Speaker on sale for 22% off $219 at just $170.99.
Prices are subject to change.