Turn That Hideous Couch Into Something Special

This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

So you made some questionable decisions in college. We all did! But unlike that reverse mohawk, furniture doesn't grow out, and now your home aesthetic is "'90s nostalgia and beer stains" just because you thought it would be funny to blow your whole decorating budget on a couch with those purple and turquoise squiggles they used to print on Solo cups. Don't worry: You're not stuck with it for the next 10 years while you save up for a new couch. Cover it up instead with an Abstract Modern Sofa Slipcover.

Abstract Modern Sofa Slipcovers are made from elastic, breathable, and durable fabric that protects your sofa from stains, pet hair, damage, dust, or whatever else you're doing to it, probably. The stretchable material fits most sofas comfortably, and it's easy to install and split since you just have to cover the sofa and insert foam bars into the gap. Bam, new sofa. You can even get matching pillowcases if that's what you're into! They're not just drab shades of taupe and olive, either. Check out these patterns:

Checkered Pattern

MSRP: $69

Sale Price: $44.95 (34% off)

If you're looking to give off an "into chess and similar intellectual pursuits but not, like, too much," spiff up your space with this checkered design.

Colorful Square Pattern

MSRP: $49

Sale Price: $34.95 (28% off)

Turn your couch into your very own Weasley sweater! Yes, the letters might be missing, but the knitwork is top notch.

Geometric Blue Pattern

MSRP: $69

Sale Price: $44.95 (34% off)

Remember Betsy from the community pool that one summer in 1976? She had a bathing suit like this, I think.

Grey Triangle Pattern

MSRP: $89

Sale Price: $49.95 (43% off)

If you're into neutral tones and can't be told otherwise, this sofa cover oughta float your rigid boat.

Triangle Pattern

MSRP: $99

Sale Price: $59.95 (39% off)

Want to give your apartment a touch of Beetlejuice meets Coraline? Well, you've come to the right place. After all, we never said you had to grow all the way up.

Prices subject to change.