After a year defined by political scandals including attempting to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election and allegedly taking a tropical vacation while his state endured a deadly weather crisis, it seems the inexplicably slimy Texas Senator Ted Cruz, in all his infamy, has finally met his match in unadulterated nasty-ness – none other than Mean Girls's queen bee herself, Regina George … well, sort of.
Earlier this month TikTok @bribri_is_wheezy user decided to put the lawmaker in his place, drawing upon the North Shore High ‘Plastics’ long tradition of dubbing their enemies "fugly sluts" in a pink, kiss-print clad journal for inspiration, creating a digital “Burn Book” specifically for the senator filled with scathing, real-life quotes from his greatest political adversaries – fellow Republican lawmakers.
Kicking off the glorious video? None other than ex-Speaker of the House and turned “cannabis pitchman,” John Boehner. “Lucifer in the flesh,” reads the quote, which Boehner told an audience at Stanford University in 2016, per the Stanford Daily. "I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”
Although it seems Florida Senator Marco Rubio doesn't view the Texas lawmaker and Zodiac Killer as Satan incarnate, his philosophy on his fellow lawmaker can be best summed up by the title of every 2015 indie boy's favorite song – “The Less I Know The Better”. “Ted has had a tough week because what’s happening now is people are learning more about him,” Rubio said, according to Rolling Stone.
Lindsey Graham, too, has also echoed Rubio's sentiments spoken out about Cruz's apparent abominable nature, taking his biting critique of the notoriously soup-guzzling politician to new, Roman heights. “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,” the South Carolina Senator said of Cruz, as CNN noted.
While Graham apparently fantasizes about taking Cruz down Caesar style, former President George W. Bush reportedly didn't mince words when it came to his feelings for the senator. “I don't like the guy,” 43 allegedly said about the lawmaker, ABC News reported.
In later installments of Cruz's TikTok “Burn Book,” more notable figures got in on the incredibly amusing pastime of absolutely dunking on Ted Cruz, including his college roommate, Craig Mazin once said of the Senator. "Ted Cruz is a nightmare of a human being. I have plenty of problems with his politics, but truthfully his personality is so awful that 99% of why I hate him is just his personality. If he agreed with me on every issue, I would hate him only 1% less."
And of course, what would a Ted Cruz roast be without a few words from 45 gleaned from the 2016 election? “He got nothing passed, and now, all he is is a guy who will go down and stand a filibuster for a day or two,” President Trump said per Insider. "And all the other senators will look: 'When's he getting off the floor, Jim? The guy's a pain in the ass.'"
So folks, although “fetch” may not happen, the universal hatred of Ted Cruz has happened – that's why his hair's so big, it's full of the unbridled hatred of pretty much everyone he encounters.