This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

Capitalism is a double-edged sword: On one hand, you can buy a gold-plated toilet, but on the other hand, no one can stop you from buying a gold-plated toilet. How's a wage slave supposed to know how to spend their limited disposable income? Fortunately, we're here to help. We've rounded up some of the coolest deals on the web right now that will make you swoon and stab ferociously into your pockets to get your wallet.

Liteband(TM) FLEX 300 Wide-Beam LED Headlamp, $33.99 (reg. $39) with promo code VDAY2021

Sometimes, the coolest innovations are the smallest ones. This clever headlamp adds an extra light that will come in handy when you're tramping through scary basements in the middle of the night, because there are absolutely ghosts in there. It's okay. We believe you.

Gotek Wireless Charging Music Station, $39.91 (reg. $59) with promo code VDAY2021

No nightstand is complete without this little station. It combines a Bluetooth 5.0 speaker, a Qi-compatible wireless charger, and a digital alarm clock and also looks like the future.

Innotech Bluetooth 4.0 Smart Scale, BMI Analyzer & Health Monitor, $44.19 (reg. $69) with promo code VDAY2021

These days, only the most pitiful scales just tell you how much you weigh. This crazy thing uses bioimpedance analysis to measure your weight, your muscle mass, your body fat, and much more. It can probably look inside your skull and tell you how much algebra you remember.

Sky Lite Laser Galaxy Projector, $50.99 (reg. $59) with promo code VDAY2021

Nightlights are for kids. Galaxy projectors are for adults, Mom. This little projector turns any room into an immersive nebula cloud that will blow your mind.

TREBLAB X3 Pro: True Wireless Bluetooth Earbuds with Earhooks, $54.39 (reg. $99) with promo code VDAY2021

Wireless earbuds are great until they fall out of your ears the second you so much as shift your weight onto the other butt cheek. These ones have ear hooks to keep them in, so shift away.

Golf Pad TAGS Automatic Game Tracking System, $76.49 (reg. $99) with promo code VDAY2021

If you're gonna do something as silly-looking as golf, you might as well go all the way. These tags attach to your clubs and pair with an app to let you track how you hit each club.

Global Drone 4K Platinum Version, $93.46 (reg. $119) with promo code VDAY2021

With this quadcopter's 4K HD camera, birdwatching has never been so lazy. You can also show off with it's 360-degree roll and flip tech. Can those stupid birds do that?

Aura Smart Strap for Apple Watch, $101.14 (reg. $119) with promo code VDAY2021

How much water have you drunk today? You have no idea, do you? It's okay; that's normal. The Aura Smart Strap for Apple Watch is here to tell you just how hydrated you are, in addition to a bunch of other stuff you can't seem to keep track of. It's kind having a robo-assistant who is legally allowed to look inside your body.

Hunter OTF Knife, $101.99 (reg. $200) with promo code VDAY2021

This is a tactical knife fit for Dwight Schrute. It has a 3.9" drop-point blade, a serrated edge, and a window breaker to keep you prepared for anything, up to and including beet slicing.

Su-VGun: The Ultimate Culinary Torch, $135.99 (reg. $180) with promo code VDAY2021

Like the "sous vide" pun? Pretty good, right? Well, this meat torch is nothing like a sous vide, but it is an awesome way to cook on the trail. With 280,000 BTU output, it can quickly sear meat, light campfires, grill veggies, scare your friends, and much more.

Fremont Wood Fire Pizza Oven, $237.15 (reg. $368) with promo code VDAY2021

Why pay $30 for a pizza every time you want one when you can make your own at home with this classic wood fire pizza oven? Your plain old kitchen oven could never.

Prices subject to change.

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