15 Brian Regan Jokes for the Hall of Fame

“The lamest crime is loitering. You imagine a guy with a 30-page rap sheet that’s all loitering. What do you do with a guy like that? Throw him in jail, where he can’t go anywhere?”

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Sports! Sports! These Gifts Are Great For Sports People!

Sports! Sports! These Gifts Are Great For Sports People!

This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

Go sports! Touchdown! Basket hoop! Goal! You may not know what we're talking about, but somebody on your holiday gift list just might. As such, we've rounded up some of the coolest gifts for the sports fanatic on your list. Plus, they're all on sale for Green Monday at an extra 20% off when you use code GREEN20 at checkout.

Urban E-Skateboard: Basic Version, $95.96 (reg. $450) with promo code GREEN20

Got an extreme sports kid in the family? Or, like, a husband who keeps rewatching Brink on Disney+? This electric skateboard will make a very cool gift.

PutterBall Backyard Golf Game, $135.99 (reg. $189) with promo code GREEN20

Love beer pong or cornhole? Well, this is basically that, except for putting golf balls.

PhiGolf: Mobile & Home Smart Golf Simulator with Swing Stick, $199 (reg. $249) with promo code GREEN20

Golf may be the only "exercise" that allows riding little carts across distances deemed too far, but now, you don't even have to do that! Play golf right in your living room with this simulator.

Outdoor Sports Mask, $10.36 (reg. $24) with promo code GREEN20

Running outside with a mask is tough, so give the runner on your list a mask that won't suffocate them.

KN95 Sports Training Mask, $11.99 (reg. $29) with promo code GREEN20

Better yet, why not upgrade to a CDC-recommended KN95 mask? It's only a dollar more. Don't be cheap.

TaoTronics aptX Sports Wireless Earphones, $19.99 (reg. $31) with promo code GREEN20

Got somebody on your list that just wants a flexible pair of earphones? Don't tell them how little you spent on these.

TREBLAB XR500 Wireless Sports Earbuds, $23.99 (reg. $39) with promo code GREEN20

These sports earbuds are sweat- and water-resistant, so you can wear them in rain, shine, frogs, or any other kind of weather. Plus, they have nice secure earhooks so they won't fall out when you're struggling under the weight of that endgame barbell.

Tiki Toss Original: The Original Hook & Ring Game, $24 (reg. $30) with promo code GREEN20

Finally, something you can do with your sporty relatives. You don't have to be an athlete (or even sober) to succeed at the original hook and ring game.

SPORT: Shoe Deodorizer, Protector & Blister Blocker Bundle, $31.99 (reg. $50) with promo code GREEN20

Okay, so this is probably more for you, but SPORT's products go above deodorizing to actually reduce the risk of athlete's foot and blisters, so it's not like they get nothing.

Brio SkyBorn S4 True Wireless Earbuds, $39.99 (reg. $99) with promo code GREEN20

Designed for an active lifestyle, these earbuds deliver crisp, powerful audio without sacrificing convenience or connectivity. With a 50-hour battery life, they would last through multiple marathons, although your quads might be a different story.

Versafit Wireless Sport Headphones, $79.99 (reg. $149.99) with promo code GREEN20

Guess where these headphones get their name. Come on. Do it. Time's up: They're extremely versatile and fit comfortably in anyone's ears. Get it? Do you get it? Plus, they have a patented non-noise isolating design that helps you stay clued into weirdos running behind you.

Egg Massager, $9.59 (reg. $59) with promo code GREEN20

The Egg Massager is the perfect stocking stuffer: It gives your athletic friend a practical gift and costs you practically nothing. Note: It's an egg-shaped massager, not a massager for eggs. Don't make the same mistake we did.

Thorex Back Muscle Massager, $87.99 (reg. $149) with promo code GREEN20

This clever motorless tool lets you get a deep massage just about anywhere. Set it on the ground, roll across it, and show that lactic acid where it can go (away, primarily).

Lumos Smart LED Helmet, $199 (reg. $249) with promo code GREEN20

If you love your biker, you must force them to wear a helmet, and this one is even cooler than normal helmets because it makes your head feel like a car. It has brake lights, turn signals, and more so they can have a reason to cruise around making "vroom-vroom" noises (and also not get killed, but mostly the "vroom-vroom" noises).

KRAFTGUN Massage Gun, $292.79 (reg. $489) with promo code GREEN20

Finally, the Big Kahuna -- or rather, the Big KRAFThuna. This powerful massage gun has a 2,400RPM motor, adjustable modes, and interchangeable heads for the ultimate deep tissue massage experience for any hardcore athlete. Or the opposite. Funny how both lead to stiffness and pain.

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