Doing Your Laundry Is About To Get More Difficult

If you happen to live in a home or an apartment with an in-unit washer and dryer, then this news might not affect you (as much). Feel free to pile your clothes in a heap and piss all over them in celebration. As for the rest of us, the millions of Americans frequenting any of the 29,500 coin laundries in America, you'll want to do your best to keep your clothes heap as urine free as possible.

That's because there's a national coin shortage being caused by COVID-19. The Federal Reserve is now capping coin orders, in part as an attempt to keep employees at the US Mint safe, and in part, because corona has severely disrupted the supply chain and circulation patterns for U.S. coin.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Says Mike Wallace, President of Star Bank:

"The way that banks are able to supply themselves with coins is just the normal flow of business transactions and customer transactions. We know with individuals staying home and not going out as much, just the volume of face to face transactions have been cut drastically."

But wait. Could this just be a ruse set up by the government as a way to end on-hand currency forever?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Politifact says false. Unfortunately, it's just one more thing that COVID is jamming in our proverbial coin-slots right now, and while there are certainly worse consequences of a nation-wide plague, this is one you don't really think about until it happens. So maybe think twice before you spend your precious quarter at a claw prize machine or pelting it at any YouTubers who try to perform street magic on you. (We have pinecones and empty cans for that.) In fact, you're going to want to be like this guy:

Now we get why Mario is always after coins. The guy typically wears one outfit. He must spend a lot of time doing laundry.

Support Dan on Twitter and he will talk about his life with you in lieu of getting a therapist.

Top Image: Autri Taheri/Unsplash, Joshua Hoehne/Unsplash

To turn on reply notifications, click here

58 Comments

Load Comments