32 Blasts From the Past That Will Fire Up the Old Neural Networks
‘Remember Alf?! He’s back! In Pog form’ — Milhouse Van Houten
- Authors
- By Jay L'Ecuyer, Cracked Writers
- Published
- Comments
-
0
0 12 Trivia Tidbits for Monday, April 22, 2024
May we offer you some nice tidbits in these trying times?
- Authors
- By Jesse
- Published
- Comments
- 0
28 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, April 22, 2024
Why, Dr. House!
- Authors
- By Ian Garner
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Get a Load of Chevy Chase’s 1980 ‘Playgirl’ Cover
You’ll never guess what movie he was promoting
- Authors
- By Matt Solomon
- Published
- Comments
- 1
Did John Cleese Just Cancel His Own Cancel Culture Show?
Cleese couldn’t commit to combating censorship in comedy with so many other anti-woke projects on his schedule
- Authors
- By Keegan Kelly
- Published
- Comments
- 0
CRACKED Store
Mother's Day is just around the corner (it's May 10, if you shamefully forgot), and chances are it's going to be a lonely one. Isolation is tough for everybody, but it seems especially unfair to moms on Mother's Day. You can't hand her something special over a Zoom call so, this year, you should shop online. We've rounded up some unique gifts for all moms and for all budgets. Check them out.
The Classics
LANGRIA Soy Wax Scented Candle
MSRP: $32.99
No one knows why, but it's a biological fact that moms love candles. Yours will especially love this one made of 100% biodegradable soy wax and infused with soothing scents. It'll feel like a spa session every time she lights this up.
MSRP: $199
These roses will say "I love you" all year long! These Ecuadorian roses are harvested and preserved in a special way, allowing them to stay fresh for an entire year without any maintenance. It's just like the enchanted rose in *Beauty and the Beast* but without the inconvenient curses.
Home & Garden
Dewplanter: Water Generating Planter
MSRP: $59
Your mom has probably adopted some plant children in your absence, but those sweet babies still need love when she's away (you know, at some point in the hopefully not-too-distant future). This planter, fortunately, takes care of itself. It measures the moisture in the air, analyzing exactly how much water to dispense at any given time. If only *you* were so easy to raise.
Sorbi 1L Air Dehumidifier & Purifier
MSRP: $89.99
Yes, you're a breath of fresh air, but you can't always be hanging around mom. (Especially right now. Don't breathe on anyone, please.) Instead, give her this dehumidifier and purifier that will eliminate 99% of the bacteria and germs in the air, keeping it clean and fresh.
MSRP: $129
Cleanliness is everything in the age of coronavirus, and the ROCKUBOT takes clean to a new level. This sanitizing robot maps your house, riding along and killing germs like its its job. Which it is. It's also great for cleaning laptops, tablets, or other screened devices.
AquaSprouts(R) Fountain: Aquaponics Water Garden
MSRP: $159.95
Okay, so maybe mom has the opposite of a green thumb. (A red thumb? Doesn't seem healthy.) If that's the case, give her this self-sustaining fountain. Not only does it look beautiful, it perfectly waters the included garden over time.
Kitchen
Tortilla Press Kit: Red Cast Iron with Servietta
MSRP: $45
Does mom love homemade tortillas? Of course she does; who doesn't? This kit will make pressing, cooking, and serving them a whole lot easier. Tortilla time is about to get a whole lot longer.
Alessi Pulcina 3-Cup Espresso Maker
MSRP: $120
This high-end coffee maker, designed by Michele de Lucchi, was the result of dedicated research into the functionality of the espresso coffee maker. As such, it produces an outstanding cup of espresso while pouring it perfectly to the line every time. It'll blow your basic, non-scientific coffee out of the beaker.
Electric Wine Aerator & Dispenser
MSRP: $79.99
Help Mom enjoy wine the way it was meant to be enjoyed. This tool keeps open bottles of wine while aerating them for peak taste. It also dispenses the wine without needing to tilt the bottle and risk spilling it everywhere, making it perfect for lazy and/or clumsy wine moms everywhere.
Martha Stewart 8-Qt 7-in-1 Digital Stainless Steel Pressure Cooker
MSRP: $109.99
This ingenious appliance makes meal time considerably easier and tastier. With seven cooking functions in one, including a rice and yogurt cooker, this pressure cooker will make quick work of a wide variety of meals. Yogurt rice, anyone?
INFUSE: Tequila & Mezcal Infusion Kit
MSRP: $98
Mama love tequila? Give her the gift of alcoholic experimentation with this awesome kit. INFUSE gives you four wide mouth jicara cups and a glass decanter so she can put whatever flavors she'd like in her tequila and then use the cups to let the alcohol evaporate, giving mezcal its full expression. The only thing missing is the karaoke machine.
FrankOne(TM) Cold Brew & Coffee Maker
MSRP: $99
If Mom loves cold brew but hates waiting 12 years for it to be ready, she'll love the FrankOne(TM). With just one button-push on this specialty, she'll have a delicious cup of cold brew in just four minutes. Four minutes! That shouldn't be possible. We're currently investigating, but in the meantime, buy it.
Mellow Sous Vide Precision Cooker
MSRP: $349
Sous vide cooking used to be reserved for only the most high-end restaurants, but commercial products like this one mean you barely have to get off the couch for it. This precision cooker keeps meat and veggies flowing through hot water, resulting in melt-in-your-mouth deliciousness. And who deserves that if not Mom?
Health & Wellness
Lip Service Mini Travel Gift Set
Help Mom look her best no matter where she goes with this handy travel set. It includes a Plump + Condition Lip Mask, Mini Sealed with a Kiss Lipstick (Mulberry Mocha), Mini Lip Definer Pencil (Spunky), and Mini Luxe Advanced Formula Lip Gloss (Angelic) all in a cute little makeup bag.
Non-Slip Yoga and Pilates Towel with Bag
MSRP: $75
Does Mom hate bringing her yoga mat outside? This yoga and pilates towel is durably designed for outdoor use and comes with a tough bag so she can get in a session anywhere she wants. The backyard, the middle of the Appalachian Trail, an actual pig-sty -- the possibilities are only limited by her imagination and local laws and regulations.
MindFi Mindfulness: Lifetime Subscription
MSRP: $365
It's a stressful time for everybody but especially your poor, overworked mother. MindFi is the Apple App of the Day that will help mom establish a mindfulness practice and take a few moments every day to get centered. Just make sure to leave her alone for long enough. This is her her-time.
MSRP: $149.99
We could all use a warm hug at any given time. Since you can't be there to give Mom one all the time, give her this weighted blanket instead. Studies show weighted blankets can help reduce anxiety and increase blood flow, making them a useful tool for recovering after long days or workouts.
Rejuven Skin 5-in-1 Anti-Aging Facial Toning Device
MSRP: $99
This revolutionary 5-in-1 skincare system works to stimulate dermal activity, tighten and increase collagen fibers, and achieve anti-aging results. If mom is on a wellness and rejuvenation kick, she might just love this portable system. (You know, not that she needs it. Never imply that she needs it.)
Eight Sleep Gravity 15Lb Weighted Blanket
With innovative glass beads, a microfiber cooling duvet, and an extra-large size, this weighted blanket from Eight Sleep is one of the leaders on the market. Reduce mom's stress while keeping her cozy and cool, but note that is *not* a license to touch the thermostat.
Yogaia Interactive Yoga Classes: Lifetime Subscription
MSRP: $399
If mom is missing her weekly yoga classes, she'll love this subscription to Yogaia. Yogaia offers hundreds of expert-led classes in a wide variety of disciplines for students of all ages. All that's missing is mimosas with the girls afterward, but that's what Zoom is for.
Must Read
35 Random Bits of Trivia That Have Been Cloggin’ Up Our Noggins
Help us exorcise our demons
- Authors
- By Jesse
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Hollywood Insider Says ‘South Park’ Got Kathleen Kennedy All Wrong
Matthew Belloni insists that Kennedy is not the ‘woke warrior’ Eric Cartman painted her to be
- Authors
- By Keegan Kelly
- Published
- Comments
- 2
You’re Going to Want to Bow or Curtsy to ‘Fern Brady: Autistic Bikini Queen’
The ‘Taskmaster’ alumna’s special makes its American début. It should be the first of many
- Authors
- By Tara Ariano
- Published
- Comments
- 2
20 Funny Examples of ‘If It’s Stupid and It Works, It’s Not Stupid’
‘Learning history by playing ‘Assassin’s Creed’’
- Authors
- By Ian Garner
- Published
- Comments
- 0
‘Fallout’ Kept the Video Game’s ‘Simpsons’ In-Joke Alive
A joke about Homer’s childhood TV set is a whole thing in ‘Fallout’
- Authors
- By JM McNab
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Kevin Hart Reveals His True Height
Short kings rule, especially when they’re filthy rich
- Authors
- By Matt Solomon
- Published
- Comments
- 0
MUST READ
32 Blasts From the Past That Will Fire Up the Old Neural Networks
‘Remember Alf?! He’s back! In Pog form’ — Milhouse Van Houten
- Authors
- By Jay L'Ecuyer, Cracked Writers
- Published
- Comments
- 0
28 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, April 22, 2024
Why, Dr. House!
- Authors
- By Ian Garner
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Did John Cleese Just Cancel His Own Cancel Culture Show?
Cleese couldn’t commit to combating censorship in comedy with so many other anti-woke projects on his schedule
- Authors
- By Keegan Kelly
- Published
- Comments
- 0
