This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Getting into a workout routine is extremely difficult. You have to make time to get to the gym and do, like, actual physical labor and stuff, and then when you're done, your body hurts. It's the worst thing a person can do, but there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Professional massage guns have hit the market to help you get a personal, targeted massage after every workout and soothe your little baby muscles back into their usual, unfussy state. We've got a nice little collection on sale now.
This deep tissue massager gun was featured at the Consumer Electronics Show because it's like selfishly blasting an anti-pain gun on your own slightly overworked muscles when there's real pain in the world. You should be ashamed, but you won't when you feel the release of lactic acid in your body under one of nine speeds, ranging from 1,800 to 4,000 strokes per minute. We can't even comprehend those numbers, but we assume it feels like getting blasted with the firehose in UHF.
What's better than a relaxing massage that targets your most sore muscles? Adding heat into the mix! Probably also a good Shiraz, but you'll have to provide that yourself. What the Evertone(TM) Prosage Thermo provides, however, is a powerful motor to break up knots in your muscles and adds some heat to help relax pain away. The Shiraz will help with that, too.
The same kind of gun used by pro athletes (not the Aaron Hernandez kind), DEEP4s gives you complete control over your massage treatment with four speeds and a 3-angle adjustable arm that can reach any part of your body. Plus, you can change the head attachments to target specific muscle groups. Just go nuts with those head attachments. No one can stop you.
The muscle massager used by Thor! Well, probably not. But the Thorex does provide a very nice back massage with a minimal amount of effort on your part. Just like a foam roller, when you lay down on Thorex and slide back and forth, its rollers dig into your back to increase tissue mobility and promote spine alignment. No hands necessary.
The cordless JAWKU-which may or may not come from the Star Wars planet, we haven't checked-provides ultra-targeted relief from an extremely quiet motor. With five speed settings and the cordless design, you can reach any muscle group with a unique, reinvigorating massage that will make you eager to get back in the gym. Okay, it probably won't. But every little bit helps, right?
Prices subject to change.