This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Spring is (looks outside, sees gray and rain, remembers the groundhog and its shadow) almost here, with all of the outdoor adventuring that comes with it. If you're ready to hit the trail soon, don't do it without the requisite gear! We've rounded up some great deals on flashlights, emergency tools, pocket knives, and more to prepare you for your journey, so you don't end up like that guy in Into The Wild.
Let there be light! In multiple forms! This set includes a flashlight, lantern, and headlamp, making it ideal for your campsite. Plus, you can pretend to be a miner and relentlessly garble the words to "Heigh-Ho," and no one can stop you because you've got the light source.
This 5-in-1 survival knife is fit for a Ron Swanson. (Or Davy Crockett, if you don't watch Parks & Rec for whatever reason.) It features a partially serrated knife, fire starter rod, removable LED light, seat belt cutter, and window punch, all in one device. (Seriously, Parks & Rec is on Netflix. Just watch it.)
The last thing you want in the great unsullied innocence is a tangle of cords around your neck, but if you bring your AirPods on the trail, make sure they're protected. This kit includes a protective sleeve, a carabiner, an anti-loss rope, and a holder, so you can protect your 'pods like you would your kid. Maybe even better. After all, you can teach your kid to swim. You can't teach your AirPods.
Sale Price: $19.99
These military-grade flashlights can be seen from almost a mile away and, in this pack, you get two of them! Just don't let that tempt you into splitting up to play flashlight tag.
This handy little knife is great for cutting paracord, fits nicely on your keychain, and oh yeah, it looks like a little samurai sword. Feel free to get two so you and a buddy can laugh about the idea of having the tiniest sword fight, but please don't actually do it. It is a real knife.
This beautiful lighter looks like it belongs on the person of Wyatt Earp or in a hipster speakeasy in Chicago. Either way, it lights great, looks great, and will help keep you warm no matter what era of hero you want to feel like.
We cannot stress this enough, DO NOT FROLIC OFF INTO THE WOODS WITHOUT YOUR WALLET. It has all that money in it, should worse come to worse, as well as your ID, if worse comes to even more worse. If you're worried about losing it, this smart wallet has built-in Bluetooth to pair to your phone, so you can find it if you drop it. And for Pete's sake, don't forget your phone.
We don't condone shooting anything except comically costumed wooden targets, so don't take this as an endorsement. But if a bear does come along and seems intent on eating you, this arrow launcher shoots projectiles three times faster than a regular slingshot. Just putting that out there.
This backpack is perfect for going to work in the morning and heading out to the hills in the evening -- or vice versa, we don't know your life. The nylon build makes it more durable than your typical backpack, so you won't have to worry about all your case files or manuscript pages or dog treat cannons scattering to the wind. What exactly do you do, anyway?
Prices are subject to change.