"No one has filmed lice mating before, I guarantee you that," said one of the biologists who did precisely that, as if we're supposed to be impressed that he's an admitted Peeping Tom gleefully violating the privacy of two beautiful lice as they tenderly bump thoraxes.
The weak excuse these perverts used was that they wanted to show how new species can form through natural selection. They put groups of lice onto large pigeons and small pigeons. 60 generations of lice later, the female lice on the large pigeons were so much bigger than the male lice on the smaller pigeons that the small males physically couldn't have sex with the large females.
Charles Darwin theorized about this "ecological speciation," whereby separate groups of the same species could adapt to different situations to the point of becoming entirely new species. He probably didn't think that theory would be used by some creep scientists to justify making amateur porn about male lice being sexually humiliated.
Since you're likely not a debauched sex fiend, you probably don't want to watch the smut these deviant oglers have made. But you're probably still curious as to what it looks like when lice mate. Well, imagine two twigs occasionally brushing against one another as they sway gently in the breeze. In other words, deeply sensual!
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. And we'll follow you everywhere.
We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.
These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.