An 'Anonymous Millionaire' Wants To Make 'Fortnite' Real

We are indisputably living in a 1980s vision of a dystopian sci-fi future ruled by the morally corrupted mega-rich. We know this because "Anonymous millionaire wants to make Fortnite-style battle royale combat real on private island" is an actual headline that we've all just ignored. To be fair to the insane person who inspired that sentence, he or she (but definitely he) doesn't want this battle royale to have a body count. Instead of real guns, participants would use Airsofts and "touch-sensitive body armor." Which is, what, like a vest that cums on contact?

Adobe Stock/MoiraM"Hey, anybody else's vest sticky and moaning?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

It's still in the early design stages, but if all goes according to plan, participants will pretend-kill each other for three days, 12 hours a day, while camping in the woods at night. So, less Fortnite and more Hunger Games -- the series in which impoverished children murder each other for the amusement of the upper classes. So far, the future is very on-brand.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. And check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's Goop parody BunnyEars.com.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

For more, check out This Is Probably The Weirdest Gaming Drama Of 2019 and Get Ready For Bruce Springsteen's 'Harry Potter' Song.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook ... or else.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

51 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.

231

5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.

252

5 Underreported Dumb Annoyances Pro Athletes Put Up With

Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.

130

5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.

108

5 Dark (But Hilarious) Times Big Tech Companies Failed Hard

Well, this is ... bleakly hilarious.

106

6 Very Stupid Questions With Very Smart Answers

No serious person would ask these questions ... but we got serious answers anyway.

134