Archaeologists Discover An Ancient Relic ... From The 1990s

Archaeologists Discover An Ancient Relic ... From The 1990s

It's a true testament to ancient can-do spirit that us 21st-century geniuses are still trying to figure out how exactly they managed to build incredible marvels like Stonehenge. But now, scientists have found out how exactly these stone circles could be made by an ancient people who had barely mastered crude technology like AOL dial-up and the 1992 Mazda Miata.

In December 2018, a group of Scottish archaeologists announced they had discovered a "new" ancient stone circle in the small hamlet of Alford, near Aberdeen. According to them, the ritual circle, one of the only fully intact ones of its kind, likely dated to the time of the Ancient Celts, between 3,500 and 4,500 years ago. They said "likely" because it so closely matched others in the area (it had recumbent stones, a feature unique to certain Scottish and Irish stone circles). Also, since excavation is expensive and annoying, the archaeologists used a tried and true dating technique called "eyeballing it."

Of course, there were a few things off about this extremely well-preserved site. It was on the small side, with stones only 3 feet tall and in a 25-foot circle -- most recumbent stone circles are twice that size. But that only explained why they hadn't found it until now. But when they looked up 19th- and 20th-century surveys of the area, there was no mention of the very distinctive landmark whatsoever. And then they became really suspicious of the circle when they got a call from its builder.

It turned out that, instead of a hallowed old ruin preserved perfectly, this stone circle was put down in the 1990s by a farmer who just wanted to Macarena some stones into a funky fresh "garden feature." He had later failed to inform the next owners of his special Stonegrunge project, and so, over (a very, very brief amount of) time, the circle became a local legend. And while the farmer did not specify why he specifically chose to construct an ancient religious ritual circle in the '90s of all decades, that'll become clear when 22nd-century Scottish archaeologists make the same mistake, start digging, and find the sarcophagus of a very hungry Tamagotchi.

For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

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