HBO recently unleashed a two-minute teaser for the final season of Game Of Thrones. And rather than simply enjoy the brief taste of the show's much-anticipated conclusion, the internet, being the internet, is poring over the commercial as if it were the goddamn Zapruder film. The teaser finds three of the Stark kids (Sansa, Arya, and Jon) creeping through their family's crypt. It seems HBO sucks at corporate synergy, because at no point do the trio stumble upon a rubber corpse puppet with a penchant for bad puns. Instead they find three statues of ... themselves.
Of course, none of this is actual footage from the show. It was all staged purely as an enigmatic promo, like when the castaways from Lost all slow-danced and groped each other as if they'd just discovered a Dharma Initiative bunker full of ecstasy. Still fans are intent on searching for clues, first in the statues themselves. Notably, Sansa and Arya's stone likenesses look approximately the same age as they are now, while Jon's looks much older.
This could imply that Jon survives into old age, while his sisters bite the dust early. Also, Jon's statue seems to have one eye closed, perhaps suggesting he'll lose it in battle, or that the show will end with him winking directly at the camera. Then there's the feather that floats to the ground as Jon passes. Dedicated fans recognized this as the feather Robert Baratheon placed on Lyanna Stark's tomb way back in the first episode, and not, say, a shout-out to Forrest Gump. Some have interpreted this as foreshadowing that Jon will soon learn that Lyanna is actually his mom -- and on the ickier side of things, that his new girlfriend is his aunt.
Most glaringly, like a low-fiber diet, there's a conspicuous lack of Bran. Why was he excluded from the Stark family reunion? It could be because he's the Three-Eyed Raven now, or even because the teenage actor slept in that day. But a segment of viewers believe that this is confirmation of one of the wackier fan theories: that Bran is the Night King.
How? The theory posits that Bran got / will get trapped as the Night King after warging back in time to stop the White Walkers from being created in the first place. Kind of the ice zombie equivalent of Doc Brown being stuck in the Old West. So if you buy that, then the ominous blue mist that seeps into the crypt at the end of the trailer represents the missing Stark sibling. Either that or we'll get a whole episode about Winterfell's cool new dry ice machine.
If you loved this article and want more content like this, consider a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. Because why not?
We don't want to sound racist, but apparently we can't help it.
Even criminals can't help but reference pop culture.
Let's be honest here, you barely know who some of these people are.