The news is like pumpkin spice -- inescapable and a little sickening. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous headlines from the last week (or so).

GEORGE W. BUSH CONDEMNED TRUMP-ERA POLITICS. In a speech calling for a return to American values, the former president rebuked falsity, isolationism,

Source: CBC

TWO BUSH DOGS, AN ENDANGERED SPECIES NATIVE TO SOUTH AMERICA, ARE PRESUMED KILLED AFTER THEIR HABITAT ENCLOSURE AT THE BEACH GPALM ZOO IN FLORIDA WAS

Source: ABC15

A MAN WON A SETTLEMENT OF $37,600 AFTER COPS CLAIMED DONUT CRUMBS WERE METH. Daniel Rushing's car was searched during a traffic stop, during which off

Source: NPR

A SURVIVOR OF THE LAS VEGAS MASSACRE HAD HER HOME BURN DOWN IN THE SANTA ROSA FIRES. Michella Flores, who had escaped the Las Vegas shooting, tried to

Source: KTVU

NETFLIX PLANS TO SPEND HUNTER Homek $8 BILLION NETFLIX ON ORIGINAL CONTENT 5100N NEXT YEAR, INCLUDING 80 NEW MOVIES AND 30 ANIME SERIES. CLDOLL snapch

A FALLING STONE KILLED A VISITOR AT THE BASILICA DI SANTA CROCE IN FLORENCE. A sightseer from Spain was touring the church, the burial place of Michel

Source: BBC

JOHN DUNSWORTH, BEST KNOWN FOR PLAYING JIM LAHEY ON TRAILER PARK BOYS, DIED AFTER A SHORT ILLNESS AT THE AGE OF 71. ROY DOTRICE, THE AWARD-WINNING STA

COLIN KAEPERNICK HAS FILED A GRIEVANCE AGAINST THE NFL FOR COLLECTIVE BARGAINING. 2. ( n GAT GATOK Kaepernick and his lawyer claim the NFL have collu

Source: ESPN

JOE JONAS AND SOPHIE TURNER ARE ENGAGED. The Game of Thrones actress and DNCE frontman made the announcement I said yes. She said yes. with matching I

Source: People

BOWE BERGDAHL PLEADED GUILTY TO DESERTION AND FACES POSSIBLE LIFE IN PRISON.. Bergdahl Was captured in 2009 and held for five years by the Taliban in

Source: UPI

U.S. MILITARY OFFICIALS HAVE DECLARED THAT THE ISLAMIC STATE HAS BEEN DEFEATED IN THEIR SELF-DECLARED CAPITAL OF RAQQA, SYRIA. 093911 svinue pwmmihu'

Source: CNN

THE LAPD HAS ISSUED A STATEMENT ASKING VICTIMS OF HARVEY WEINSTEIN TO COME FORWARD. The LOS Angeles Police Department is not conducting any current cr

THE U.S. AND KOREA ARE BOTH ATTEMPTING to BE THE FIRST to HI CLONE A WOOLY MAMMOTH USING DNA FROM FROM FROZEN CARCASSES. CRACKEDCoM

Source: Newsweek

DONALD TRUMP SAYS HE WANTS TO REFORM WELFARE. Trump claims people are taking advantage of the system, and says he wants to get people off of welfar

Source: CNN

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