You would think suffering from acute claustrophobia would prevent Carlo Cani from taking a job working in a coal mine. You would be wrong; it in no way prevented him from taking the job, but he would be goddamned before he actually worked it.
Cani started giving it the ol' fake cough/amnesia/hemorrhoids routine, occasionally providing full-blown doctors' notes from some less-than-scrupulous medical professionals.
"Hang ten of these and call me in the morning, brah."
Not one to rest on his laurels, Cani made sure to shake things up a bit by pretending to be drunk and stumbling around the mine, causing injury to himself by ramming his finger into the wall or rubbing coal dust in his eyes and getting sent home. Finally, after 35 years of doing everything possible to avoid working, Cani retired early with a full pension, despite spending his entire career doing almost nothing in the coal mines.
Naughty kids were doubly disappointed on Cani's watch.
Carolyn avoids work on Twitter.
Deep inside us all behind our political leanings, our moral codes and our private biases, there is a cause so colossally stupid, we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
For more insane stories of people elaborately bailing on their commitments, check out The 7 Most Extreme Lies Ever Told to Get Out of Something and The 6 Most Impressive Things Ever Done to Get Out of Work.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 4 Most Brilliant Displays of Sucking at Your Job, and other videos you won't see on the site!
Also, follow us on Facebook, and we'll skip work to come hang out with you.