The school's team desperately wants him to join so they can defeat their rivals at Gedo High, but Jubeh, bearing the heavy emotional scars of accidentally killing his father during a game of catch, refuses (this bit of personal history is told in flashback and narrated in song by Jubeh himself, stumbling through a minor key).

Jubeh eventually agrees to be the pitcher, but on the day of the big game, Gedo High murders every single member of the team, including Jubeh, who shows up late and steps on a land mine that is buried in the field for some reason.

This is what happens when you use BabelFish to translate the rules of baseball into Japanese.

This turns out to be no more than a minor setback, however, because, through a combination of divine intervention, advanced cybernetics and time-bending reincarnation, everyone is more or less fine and ready for a rematch (please note that by this point in the movie, not one game of baseball has taken place).

After beating his mother with a baseball bat, Jubeh suddenly remembers how to do his special move, the Super Tornado Pitch (yes, that sentence just happened and now belongs to history).

We feel sorry for those of you at work who want to shout "HADOUKEN!" right now, but can't.

Armed with this technique, which is essentially a flaming baseball thrown at speeds scratching the front door of the sound barrier, Jubeh and his team face Gedo High once more. After a lengthy battle (see "not one game of baseball" above), Jubeh defeats the Gedo High coach and then screams a monologue about the importance of friendship and teamwork directly into the camera. He does this without ever actually using the Super Tornado Pitch, or indeed throwing a single pitch of any kind.

The movie opens with a warlock attempting to summon a vampire spirit from hell, but he's abruptly crossbowed mid-ritual by a disgruntled biker gang and the spirit is forced into one of their motorcycles (classic biker gang). Unassuming Noddy buys the motorcycle some time later and takes it home to work on it, but a stray drop of blood in the gas tank causes it to come alive and start eating people.

The sheer logistical impossibility of a motorcycle attacking people and drinking their blood suggests that the filmmakers came up with the concept and went immediately into production without so much as rereading the Subway receipt they'd scribbled it on. At first they skirt the issue by having the motorcycle kill people offscreen, but as the movie escalates and important characters start dying, they have to get more creative, giving it a harpoon gun, wheel-mounted blades and stainless steel bendy straws with which to wreak destruction.

You know, modern twists on those classic vampire tropes.

In the film's climax, Count Motorcycula goes on a rampage through a rec center, chasing people around at speeds approaching 3 mph before it is finally trapped by an insurmountable push/pull door and melted with a tanning bed (because it's a vampire).

These guys are literally running faster than we ever see the motorcycle go in the entire movie.

Spurred on by the screaming lions in his mind, Singham discovers that all of his fellow police officers in Goa are in the employ of a gangster he once crossed paths with. Enraged, Singham decides that the only way to fight police corruption is with more police corruption, and heroically starts forging charges, coercing confessions at gunpoint and eventually just straight-up executing a suspect because he doesn't have enough evidence to arrest him. And if that all sounds like standard maverick cop stuff, let us introduce you to this scene. Singham, in the middle of a high-speed pursuit, swerves into the path of the fleeing criminal and simply steps out of his car mid-fishtail ...

... to fire a single bullet ...

... detonating the other car's front tire and sending it flipping through the air.

As the car tumbles over his head, Singham reaches up and snatches the guy out through the window into a pavement-splitting choke-slam (as an added bonus, watch that clip and try to count all the people without mustaches). Dirty Harry would've powdered his shinbone just trying to step out of the fishtailing car.

He's also totally going to write that guy a ticket for not wearing a seat belt.

The Foreign Version:

In the Italian Stellar Clashes Beyond the Third Dimension (released in the U.S. as Starcrash in 1979), Stella Star is a beautiful smuggler sent by the Emperor to retrieve his lost son, Simon (David Hasselhoff), who is the prince of space.

No, seriously.

Within minutes of finding him, she is captured by stop-motion robots ...

Wait, are we sure this isn't another screengrab of Hasselhoff?

... under the direction of the evil Count Zarth Arn, who reveals that all of this (whatever "this" may be is never made entirely clear) was part of his plan to lure the Emperor to his evil planet, which is secretly bombs. The movie makes precisely this amount of sense for the entirety of its 90-minute runtime.

"My planet is bursting with delight to greet you. Get it? Ah, fuck you guys. That was gold."

Prince David Hasselhoff kills the robots with a light saber and rescues Stella, but it does little good because (we really cannot stress this enough) they are still on a planet made of bombs. Fortunately, when the Emperor shows up, he remembers that his Imperial Battleship has a "stop time" button and uses it to freeze Count Zarth's world grenade, allowing everyone to escape.

Except the robots. They never saw home again.

Now they have to stop Evil Count Zarth and his fist-shaped spaceship from conquering the universe, but when they catch up to him, they find that even their most advanced weapons are useless against his ship (their "most advanced weapons" are literally torpedoes filled with people wearing Lord of the Rings helmets).

This scene was later reused in a Scientology sex-ed film.

Stella Star, thinking fast, crashes a space-city into Zarth's flagship and saves the day, because there was literally no less-destructive way to stop him. Unfortunately, this leaves her floating adrift in space, and Prince Hasselhoff is forced to rescue her again, but at this point neither he nor anyone watching cares anymore.

This is because in Sound of Noise, the heist isn't being pulled by bank robbers at all -- they're a terrorist cell of rogue percussionists on a rhythm quest through the city, breaking into places and creating tasty beats by banging unconventional objects together.

At one point in the movie, they actually invade a hospital and drum defibrillator paddles on a patient in cardiac arrest.

"Play the beat to 'My Heart Will Go On'! The irony will revive him!"

The Familiar Cliche:

You remember the scene in Star Wars where Luke sends a missile down the exhaust port of the Death Star and blows the whole thing into space dust? Yeah, us too. You may also remember the almost exact same thing from Independence Day.

The Foreign Version:

1999's Wild Zero was Japan's take on this iconic movie moment. In it, a fleet of spaceships loaded with zombies has come to our planet, and it falls to a Japanese greaser named Guitar Wolf to save the Earth from certain annihilation. Fortunately for Earth, Guitar Wolf has complete mastery over the power of rock and roll, which he demonstrates every chance he gets.

Eighty-three percent of motorcycle rides in Japan end like this.

At the end of the movie, Guitar Wolf uses his awesome power in quick succession to electrocute his creepy evil band manager, teleport to the roof of a skyscraper and shred a bitching guitar solo. This focuses his abilities into a glowing purple light saber that he uses to bisect the alien mothership as it flies overhead. It explodes, killing all of the zombies under its control and saving the human race.

Incidentally, the Wild Zero drinking game is a faster path to suicide than a .45 to the temple.

Instead of fucking about with pseudoscience, mystical religions, narrow escapes and heroic sacrifices, Wild Zero just shouts "ROCK AND ROLL" at the top of its lungs and destroys all the bad guys with situationally existent magic loosely related to a musical instrument. And to be honest, the Rebel Alliance would've been way more awesome if it had been led by a Japanese man named Guitar Wolf.

After defeating a zombie made of swords (with a truck also made of swords) ...

... and a multi-limbed zombie armed with half a dozen guns and disturbing nudity ...

... Kika finds her mother, who has fashioned herself a skyscraper-sized battlemech of writhing undead corpses. The Japanese government, under the command of Japanese Hitler, launches orbital missiles at it, but the zombie-mech grabs them and uses them to fly into the upper atmosphere, rearranging its feet-bodies into a more aerodynamic tailfin shape.

"Hey, make sure we address the aerodynamics issue. We don't want people questioning the realism of this."

Kika leaps onto the meat robot as it takes off and manages to climb all the way to the top as it screams toward space. She then beats her mother to death and rips her heart out while screaming "Give my pudding back!" for some unfathomable reason, at which point everything in the movie explodes.

For more things that got the insanity treatment, check out 9 Foreign Rip-Offs Cooler Than The Hollywood Originals and Lost In Translation: 20 Baffling Foreign Movie Posters.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The Most Baffling PSA Ever: Vote Like ... Spider-Man?

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